A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. He was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.

"I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his sister. I was appalled. But as the days went on I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people."

... Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk.

"I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession."

Moral: Never, Never, Never Be Late

Water and Wine Education

It has been scientifically proven that if we drink 1 litre of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli (E. Coli) Bacteria found in faeces.

In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of Poo.

However, we do not run that risk when drinking wine , beer (or other liquors) because alcohol has to go through a distillation process of boiling, filtering and fermenting.

WATER = Poo
WINE = HEALTH

Free yourself of Poo, drink WINE!!!

It is better to drink wine and talk shit than to drink water and be full of shit.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I am doing it as a public service.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar that way.

The man, who was a priest, said, "I am a Father." The little boy replied, "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that."

The priest looked up from his book and answered, "I am the Father of many." The boy said, "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way."

The priest, getting impatient, said, "I am the Father of hundreds" and went back to reading his book.

The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, "Maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar.

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3 o'clock in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers. "Did you help him?" she asks. "No, I did not, it is 3 o'clock in the morning and it is pouring out there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?""Yes" comes back the answer. "Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband. "Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark."Where are you?" asks the husband. "Over here on the swing!" replies the drunk.

First sentence from the first post of each month in 2006.
Borrowed from Clara

January:
Who Knew?

February:
Thursday Funnies

March:
20 things from MyLuc's Auntie

April:
Awesome!

May:
Itsa Tuesday...I just have to remember to breathe

June:
You are 25% bitchy

July:
The five love languages

August:
Ten thoughts to ponder for 2006

September:
Not quite a quote a month but close

October:
(Nada...didn't post at all...I think this was due to my back issues)

November:
November 2, 2006..Holy Smokes! Time Flies

December:
Same girl but....

Boy I'm something or another...thanks to y'all who have kept reading.

So a post that's been draft almost a month since my awesome birthday.

Spoiled Huge!

So much has happened to already make my 30th year or 31st depending on who you talk to awesome.

My Mom arrived Thursday, November 27, 2006 amidst a torrential downpour. She really, really wanted Tim Horton's coffee and we decided to go to the one in Richmond, and then missed the turnoff, so the one in New West but the traffic was horrid. So we went for breakfast at Amelia's on 12th. It was pretty good. Luc left to run errands and mom and I walked home. She kept repeating I don't know how you can live in this (meaning the rain) and pointing out that "that's horrible" that we still had green grass. After vegging for a bit we headed to the mall. mom wanted to pick up a Camelback as an xmas gift for one of their atving buddies. I only wanted to head to Walmart.

Yup, that's it. That's the draft.

The gist of spoiled huge is that Friday the 24th of November, 1976, I came into the world and that on Friday, the 24th of November, 2006 I had a family dinner with my best, my mom, Luc and his immediate family. Minus his bro Matthew cuz his mom forgot.

The Saturday my best went home I hung out and played games with my mom and Luc's family and about 4 that evening his entire family showed up! Everyone. Girly Girl and Chin Chew braved the weather and my night Rocked!! I got so many awesome gifts and to top it off people braved the weather for me. Me. I'm so loved.

Warm fuzzies abounded for November.

Same girl but ....

First Name: Phoebe
Last Name: Baxter
Female
The Great Archives determine you to have gone by the identity: Alice Drown
Known in some parts of the world as: Scourge of Whores
The Great Archives Record: Beautiful, evil, seductive and dangerous!

First Name: Melissa
Last Name: Seifrit

The Great Archives determine you to have gone by the identity: Goddess of Moldovia
Known in some parts of the world as: Haunt of The Vile
The Great Archives Record: Vile, foul, filthy and greedy: this creature knows nothing of light.

Spoiled Much?

My friend Girly girl aka Elizabether totally made my day. For my birthday gift she took me to see Lisa Marie Presley at the Red Robinson Show Theatre in Coquitlam. It was totally awesome!!



We started the evening with a little Cranberry and Lemon Vodka...I know, it was a little lemony but I can explain. I was a little excited when I was making the drinks at 7 a.m. and it went a little more cranberry nope, more vodka...sip...*gasp* drinking before 8 a.m. I'm going to Hades! So we caught a cab and headed to dinner.

We went for an awesome dinner at Applebees where we shared the appie platter and each had a salad washing it all down with a ginormous Brewsters glass of Sleeman's. For dessert we were going to have the chimichanga..instead...which I figured out while typing this the waiter Byron came and sang Happy Birthday to me in a Scooby Doo voice. A little embarassing yes totally...but fun nonetheless. With the song came a mug of icecream and chocolate syrup with a cherry on top.

We each had some of that and then o'course for dessert and to top off heading into Coquitlam and Lisa Marie shots of tequila. Finishing that we each stopped by our respective banks before heading to the Red Robinson Theatre. Another cab as it was still pouring rain.

Upon arrival at the Boulevard Casino we did a walk through..me with an eye on the gamblers and how some were "plugged in" and Elizabether watching the tellers. We agreed that they did indeed look like those on CSI LV. And o'course we splurged a bit with a $5 and a machine with which we pushed some buttons, pulled the handle and just waited to see what happened. Weird but cool.

11th row left centre. We were sitting between Lisa, who we shook hands with and met because we kept stepping over her and a couple. The husband had seen Elvis when he came to their school in Grade 4 and o'course was at the concert because he thought it looked like a good idea.

The open was Shawn something. I can't remember the spelling or even his correct name. He was okay. The most memorable part of his opening was the song about the Moore Hotel in Seattle. That's where Strongarm and I stayed when we went there. That was cool.

And then Ms. Presley came on. We both think she's tiny. Maybe 5'4. Her hair was dark with red chunks, she had a whack of energy, totally played to and with the audience and rocked!!

I am such a bad fan though, she has two CDs out...I have one. My bad.

I had such a good evening with Elizabether and thank her with all my heart for thinking of me and doing something that was totally me.

*HUGE GINORMOUS HUGS*