Monday,

It's just another manic monday
I wish it was sunday
'cause that's my funday
My i don't have to runday
It's just another manic monday

Itsa great song and the "manic monday" totally relates to my day. Back to work to find a wall of paper and files on my desk...turns out my lawyer worked on the weekend cleaning stuff up. Yay for me. NOT!

The weekend was okay.

Friday was my night for dinner. Chicken coated in breadcrumbs and cheese with a mustard sauce with leftover salad. It kinda worked. My cooking tends to be much of a wing it and when it works it works when it doesn't we either get the ketchup (just me really) or Myluc reaches for the Cajun Seasoning.

We watched "Saw". It was a thriller that Myluc said was a blend of "Hannibal" and "Seven". And since I don't normally watch horrors, which I considered "Hannibal" to be but totally enjoyed "Seven"..I thought I'd give it a try. It was quite the thriller and I have to admit I jumped more than a few times. It was quite a weird screw with your head can totally see that movie. Sat there, watched it, don't wanna do it again.

Saturday we started running errands at 930. Went to the Dentist so Myluc could pay a $6. bill. Went to the bank to get laundry money, we picked up a cat carrier since we only had the cardboard one that Mickey came home in. Went to Best Buy cuz Myluc wanted "Soap" Season 3. Didn't have it. Ran out to Future Shop. Didn't have it. He was so grouchy. Picked up a steak for dinner cuz that's totally Myluc's thing. Home by 12. I was getting very quiet and sad and by 115 had Trigger bundled in the box to go to the Vet. We got there. I said goodbye. We left. I cried. Got home, Myluc held me for a little bit. I left at 2 to go to my friend Amy's and her beau Brok's. Instead of fixing my first Lover's Masquerade gown we totally made a new one. Black and white with the opening in the front "down to there". I joked and said it was like the green one of JLo's that caused the ruckus. Totally psyched cuz we got 90% of it done. They drove me home. Myluc and I chilled. Went to bed.

Sunday, I did eight loads of laundry beginning at 8. What a way to start your morning. I had all washers and dryers going at once and we still had to hang stuff around the apartment. I can't wait til we have our own washer and dryer. Had lunch. Went for a nap. It was just to quiet without Trigger yelling and I was totally missing him. Mickey came in for a cuddle but it was different. We're not going to have cat now that gives head butts so hard you get a concussion or one that does somersaults. *sigh* what can you do? We drove out to have Japanese with Myluc's 'rents. It was a good time. Ate way to much "All You Can Eat!" Our tummies were rumbling happy though. Home. To bed.

Up this morning and grabbed my gown. Going to try to get to the fabric place at lunch to pick up some trim. With the opening up the front unless I find some kinda black bra I'll have to close the front and wear my purple bodice. Either way works for me but I kinda like the thought of having the opening open and a new belly button ring and being a little daring and umm...vampy. I'm having Groupanoid and her friend over to crimp my hair and do my face and make me vampy. I am going to have a blast and well...hopefully I'll be able to get a picture and post it. *fingers crossed*

Should get back to work though. The lawyers are back from their meetings.

*HUGE HUGS*

Borrowed from Don't Interrupt my Happiness...

The Most God Awful...

1. Awful smell? Rotten Peanut Butter, Sour Milk
2. Awful sound? Fingernails on a chalkboard, Styrofoam scraping Styrofoam
3. Awful thought? "Did I forget to *insert here*?"
4. Awful taste? Sour Milk
5. Awful feeling? Hairs rising on your neck when watching a scary movie
6. Awful sight? Maggots in sawdust
7. Awful colour? Puce, Salmon (in my opinion at least)

Anyone got anymore God Awful ?

Choices

I decided that no one should be afeared of their pet (ie: Trigger) and since I had been told he was unadoptable, I must make a choice. I made an appointment at the Vet on Saturday.

It was the hardest choice to make but it's been a year of medicating him in the morning, watching his every move in case his hair"trigger" temper goes off, cleaning up Mickey's wounds (myLuc's cat), cleaning up our wounds, making sure there's a blanket in every room so we could bundle him up and put him in the bathroom... It's just not right. I am tired.

I don't want to be scared of my pet anymore. I want to sleep through the night without waking and getting angry at him for scratching the walls. When he's good he's really good and cute, doing somersaults n' all but when he's bad it's hades.

I talked to myLuc and I told him that I don't feel guilty about putting Trigger to sleep. I can't give him to someone who needs a second to hold him while he is being medicated, to cut his nails, to watch your back in case....

I do feel guilty because I didn't do something. Anything that could have stopped the attacks...that's what the meds were for and then he fought those and now he's back to being super aggressive.

I'm just so tired of crying and being scared of my cat. It's wrong.

Three Things:

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
01. Mel
02. Meliss
03. Phoebe

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
01. orion_skie
02. nyte_ryder
03. midnyte_snowball

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
01. My personality
02. My eyes (especially after I cry ... jade green) and smile
03. My sense of humor

THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:
01. My eyesight
02.
03.

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
01. Scottish
02. English
03. German

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
01. Bugs (any kind) well...not the kind you eat
02. Scary movies
03. Life

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
01. Contacts
02. Deodorant
03. Lip gloss

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
01. Work clothes
02. Glasses
03. Italian Bracelet

THREE REASONS YOU'VE BROKEN UP WITH EXES:
01. He was a dumbass
02. He was making plans for our future without consulting me
03. He was a drug user

THREE THINGS YOU WOULD WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
01. Trust
02. Honesty
03. Patience

THREE THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
01. Smile
02. Eyes
03. Laugh

THREE THINGS YOU CAN'T DO:
01. Become invisible
02. Have super hearing
03. See through walls

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
01. Walking
02. Reading
03. SCA

THREE THINGS YOU WANT REALLY BAD RIGHT NOW:
01. myluc
02. laughter
03. a hug

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
01. n/a
02. n/a
03. n/a

THREE PLACES YOU WOULD GO ON VACATION:
01. New Zealand
02. Memphis
03. New Orleans

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
01. Go to New Zealand
02. Travel with friends/family
03. ?

THREE THINGS YOU SHOULD BE DOING RIGHT NOW:
01. working
02. working
03. working

THREE CD'S YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT:
01. Def Leopard - Greatest Hits
02. Rascal Flatts
03. Reba MacIntyre - Greatest Hits

THREE FAVORITE CLOTHING ITEMS:
01. Duck Socks
02. Brown Loafers
03. Satin underwear

THREE FAVORITE FOODS:
01. Porkchops
02. Bananas
03. Carrots

Good news comes in threes as does bad things...at least that's what I've heard.

So far the tally is: 3 engagements (or heard of); 2 set wedding dates; 1 unknown wedding date; and o'course there's the bad news: 1 for certain trip out of 3, 2 grans really ill and 1 grandad very sad.

Life. Isn't it all about a tally chart? Pros and cons, do's and don'ts.

Borrowed from Glamazon..I'm so glad to know that we are compatible:

You Are a Prophet Soul

You are a gentle soul, with good intentions toward everyone.Selfless and kind, you have great faith in people.Sometimes this faith can lead to disappoinment in the long run.No matter what, you deal with everything in a calm and balanced way. You are a good interpreter, very sensitive, intuitive, caring, and gentle.Concerned about the world, you are good at predicting people's feelings.A seeker of wisdom, you are a life long learner looking for purpose and meaning.You are a great thinker and communicator, but not necessarily a doer. Souls you are most compatible with: Bright Star Soul and Dreaming Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

Random Questions

* Ever been so drunk you blacked out: Umm yes.
* Missed school B/coz it was raining: No. Because it was snowing. -40 with wind chill in Elkford
* Set a body part on fire for amusement: Ummm....no
* Been hurt emotionally: Yes.
* Kept a secret from everyone: No. I do tell someone who will never tell.
* Cried during a Movie: Yes, totally...commercials too
* Ever thought an animated character was hot: Yup. Prince Eric
* Had a New Kids on the Block tape: Yes, tapes, posters, magazines...I was a weird kid
* Been on stage: Yes
* Cut your hair: Yes

------------------FAVORITES------------------
* Shampoo: Whatever happens to be in the bathtub at the time
* Color: Red, Yellow, Blue
* Day/Night: Day. Although some don't believe it.
*Summer/Winter: Both
* Fave Ice Cream: Mint Chocolate Chip
* Fave Subject: English.
* Drink: Non-Alcoholic - Gingerale and Hot Chocolate; Alcoholic - Rye and Gingerale, Special Coffees, Zinfandel
* Fave persons to talk to online: No nic, Groupanoid, Patrick, Court, A. Rhonda.

----------------RIGHT NOW------------------
* Wearing: Work clothes. Striped dress pants, white sweater, black vest, black snow boots...they're just so comfy
* I'm feeling: Achy and Tired
* Eating: Hot Cinnamon Gum
* Thinking about: Luc, Life, Family, Friends, Books, Work..
* Talking to: Myself

--------------IN THE LAST 24 HRS-----------------
* Cried: Yes
* Worn a skirt: No. And I won't until I have one that fits
* Met someone new: New tellers at the Bank
* Cleaned Your Room: All the time
* Drove a car: Nope

---------------DO YOU BELIEVE IN------------------
* Yourself: Yes
* Your friends: Yes
* Santa Clause: Not spelled like that
* Tooth Fairy: No
* Destiny/Fate: Yes
* Angels: Yes
* UFO's: No Comment

------------FRIENDS AND LIFE------------------
* Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend: Yes
* Like anyone: Everyone
* Who's the loudest: Mickey
* Who's the shyest: Mickey
* Who do you go to for advice: Erin, Elizabether, Jules,
* Who do you cry to: Luc
* What's the best feeling in the world: Smiling a true smile - you know the one - your eyes crinkles and your heart feels light
* Who will respond to this email the fastest: This isn't an e-mail. So no one.
* Who did u send this to that won't reply: This isn't an email so noone will reply.
* And last but not least, your birthday: November 24, 1976

It's Tuesday, still raining like ... umm... Noah's on his way for a visit and he needs the water to float his boat...Yup...that's kinda funny actually. Myluc's SCA name is Noah Vale (yup...he's weird) and his car is Zark for Noah's Ark...I know I know...groan!

I haven't heard from my friend Strongarm in a while and I really hoped that nothing happened to her boys. Her pets. Her. Her work. Her family. I finally talked with her this morning and it turns out that I haven't been totally paranoid about not hearing from her since Myluc and I sat for her hamster and guinea pig. She's going through a rough time right now and luckily I can shut up and listen as well as talk. I think that the advice I gave her was good stuff. After all..what I say is what I've learned over the last few years, what I believe and o'course what other people have told me. Sometimes what you hear can apply to different situations.

So...I talked with my friend Strongarm about my trip and about me and Myluc and me me. Strongarm understands what I speak about when I talk about my trip. She understands how important it is to me as she is going to be coming with. Goodness.

I've know Strongarm going on 12 years. Yup...a long time. Our 10 year reunion is this year. If we go..it'll be together..Myluc will probably stay home and we'll do a Romy and Michelle kinda thing. After all...when I moved to the lower mainland in '97 her mom was kind enough to store my stuff in her basement. I haven't been back since. So...when the reunion or even time for us to rent a car and road trip it....I'll go through all my stuff. I know that most of it will probably not be coming home with me but I still need to go through it. It's the stuff that has been around from 0-17. 17 and on...well..that's what I have with me now.

I'm hoping that Charlie Bear - one of those huge panda things from the fair that I've had since '77 isn't too moth eaten and icky. After I moved out of my home when I was 15 he stayed with my Mom and then my Gran and then Strongarm's mom...in the basement, under the trailer wrapped in plastic, in the guest room. He's a well travelled thing and the joke was he'd need his own seat on the greyhound to come visit me.

I'm also hoping that I don't run into any of my old diaries. They'd be full of pain and anger. Stuff that I don't really want to relive. Myluc recently watched The Butterfly Effect. Scary stuff. If it were true though....goodness. I already thank the lord and those who helped me choose the paths that I have taken. But I do wonder about those other paths...where would I be.

And o'course there will be books. Tons and a whack! All my Nancy Drews and Romances from waaay back.

I'm really looking forward though to rediscovering treasures. Don't remember what's in the box or boxes and it'll be an adventure.

Adventures are really good stuff.

Kinda rambled on .... probably will more.

*HUGE HUGS*

See....here's the thing.

Since I was a young'n I've wanted only three things to be accomplished. Dreams if you will. Things that I want to do and get done before I'm thirty.

1. Go to New Zealand for three weeks to a month;
2. Go to Graceland.
3. Visit Michael Landon's grave.

Now I know that many will ask why but these three have stood with me for many a year.

I accomplished #2 when I was 25. For the 25th anniversary of Elvis' death. I joined a huge whack of grannies and true fans to celebrate his life and death. It was awesome. A memory that will remain with me for a long time.

#3. I know that this is truly a dream and a wish but that's why it is #3. I just want to stand by the graveside of the man who I wanted for a dad. Someone who was the "Dad" that I pretended was mine while I was being beaten down by the one who shares my name.

#1. New Zealand. This has been something that I have actually worked on. I've been corresponding with people and travel agencies and in high school this was the project that brought about my one and only A in Hospitality/Tourism because of the in depth research.

And now the story.

I don't know about #3. But it's going to happen.

Myluc and I talked a bit a couple of weeks ago about plans for our future. We've decided in 22 months we're going to get out of the one bedroom shithole we're in and buy a place. If I don't have the money or as much money as I need to go to New Zealand we're going to New Orleans. It's still an awesome trip but it isn't the right one. Myluc tried to say that we have our lives to go on a trip. Yes. We do. But I want to go to New Zealand. He doesn't have wishes or dreams or places he wants to visit before a certain time. He hasn't put limits on anything. I have. I can do things and travel places after I'm thirty but I don't want to. It's selfish but it's what I want and have planned for.

Myluc's sister and bf are engaged. I am truly happy for them as is Myluc. They have decided that they are going to get married in Cuba with only immediate family in attendance. This includes gf's and bf's as well. Yay. Awesome. They've settled on sometime in 2007.

And here I start to cry and my heart aches. You see they've chosen 2007. I will be 30 that year. I want to go to New Zealand. I don't want to postpone my trip for Myluc's sister. I want to be selfish and think of only me.

Myluc tried to and tries to figure me out and doesn't want to know why I won't compromise and make Cuba my trip. He doesn't understand that Cuba wouldn't be mine...it's his sis' and her mans. It isn't something or somewhere where I wanted to go. Ever.

*GACK!*

I went to bed last night with a heavy heart. Myluc talking and trying to figure out what I can do. We've agreed that it's a few years away and things change. I won't get a second job so that I can have both trips. I won't freak out. I will be the one to tell his 'rents and sis if they ask. I will be happy for them. Duh. All but the last two are things that are most likely not going to happen. I am happy for his family. How could I not be. These two have decided that they are going to get married and share their life together. That's awesome.

Myluc and I get into discussions about marriage. I want Elvis and Vegas. He wants his mom's garden and no Elvis. We're working on compromise. I want him to give his name and share it with me. I don't want to pay the cash to change it. If that was to happen I'd become like Elvis and Cher. No last name needed.

That's the weekend in two blogposts. We'll see what the week holds.

*HUGE HUGS*

Itsa Monday day today. It's raining outside and it's gloomy and it totally matches my mood.

My weekend started awesomely. I went to a bransle (brawl) (Medieaval Dance and Play) with my friend Jules and was totally looking forward to seeing my old bandmates from Folk Heroes who are now Toot-A-Lute. I was lucky enough to be missed, as I heard constantly and I danced some dances (Dargasons and Monavue *prob spelled all wrong*). But it was different. I don't know what it was. I wasn't as comfortable as I thought I'd be. I guess that's what happens after months of being away from the SCA and all it entailed.

I got to see my ex-beau "O". I can't really call him my bf cuz we were really together for the lovin'. He was the one guy who loved hangin' with me cuz I never wanted anything from him. We could sit in silence and just be. It was awesome. One of my favourite memories is of us lying on the couch, his head on my bosum....sleepin' like a wee babe and me reading a book. For hours we'd do this..rouse ourselves for the loo or to munch or to go for a walk. But more often than not we'd cuddle and he'd gain the sleep he lost flutterin' around pleasin' everyone, lookin' for something. Our relationship ended after I watched him fall...I can't say in love cuz I don't think it was .. but I watched him waltz with this woman (who for the life of me I can't remember her name just the nic that Jules and I gave her...oh the crazy spanish chick...). They waltzed and I watched him place his hand on her face, gaze into her eyes and fall. I knew then that that was our end. It wasn't that horrid though because I knew that our lovin' was fleeting...he was looking for his soulmate and I wasn't her nor did I intend to be.

Anyways, I did the hug rounds ... cuz I like to ... and then I watched O's current love...crying so hard over losing O. She lasted longer than 3 months but only because she asked him not to leave her at Christmas. He obliged and then "poof" done. I gathered the various tidbits of O's life over the current months and he's been fluttering around and now he's found someone else ...go figure... *shrug* Until he finds the one...he's going to be a fluttering player. I just wish him happiness and love. And o'course I'll send good vibes his way.

**To be continued**

It's already the 11th of January ... can you believe it?

It's been quite hectic since my last post.

My little brother Sprout basically disowned me for having a grudge against him and not being responsible and being immature and blah blah blah. *shurg* these are his views and he's free to have them but obviously he forgets the past. I mean ... my parents were both alcoholics and my father quite frequently beat the three of us. He'd go from me to Stretch and then to Sprout but by this time my mom would rouse herself from her drunken stupor and block Sprout. He was always the baby. I was always closer to him than Stretch. It was the kind of childhood that you don't want anyone to have and no freakin' way would I repeat. I am the person now who credits my past for creating the person I am today but c'mon....why would I hold a grudge against him? He is gay, good for him, he has a partner, good for him, me too, he has a job, me too, he has his own apartment, me too. Goodness. I can see where I would have a grudge. Whatever!

My friend Groupanoid went to Israel to see her man. She left on the 30th and will be back on the 15th. I cannot wait until she comes back. I think I have been one of the lucky few to have heard from her since she's been gone but having her in the same Province will be tremendous.

Myluc and I stayed here for Christmas. We ventured from one g'rents to the next (he's lucky enough to have all four). It was quite awesome minus a little session where I wanted to go home before dinner because I didn't want to deal with him. It passed, dinner was good. The comment we received the most was "it's your second christmas, where's the ring?".

If I had to pick my favourite gift though it would be the silver earrings from Myluc (some kinda ring =0), the duck slippers from his aunt and cuz and the food processor from my mom, she actually listened when she asked what I wanted.

Groupanoid also quit here at the lawfirm where we work. We have someone new, her nic will be ....hmmm....forthcoming...we've only worked together for a week so I have to give it some thought.

I'm also doing the final year end accounting for Eisenmarche (my medieaval society). Hopefully I did it correctly and noone will think I do a crappy job. I told them when they asked me that I don't even balance my cheque book. Too funny. The faith people have in people.

Anyways, that's the gist of it.