Bits n' those other little bits...

Ever have those moments when you’re like “Man…I wish the world would slow down/speed up” just so the situation you are in would…go away or never have happened?

Decided to take a chance and I had a visitor for a sleepover and, well, let’s just say when he left the next day I wanted to have a mulligan and just keep it as a text/online flirtation. The real thing was bad. No brown chicken brown cow at all. It's really bad when you start listing the chores in your head that need to get done. *sigh* I didn’t restart my celibate clock but currently it’s on hiatus.

Had surgery end of June for tubal ligation (removal of my fallopian tubes) and to remove my IUD where it was imbedded in my uterine wall. Go doctors who want to keep it in because it “may” still be working. I now have the “stations” (ovaries and womb) but no “tracks”. Makes me curious to find out what kind of refresh my body is going to decide to have. I had almost three weeks of healing time and bruising but thank the lord, I was able to go and get my waxing over and done with. She was awesomely careful and earned every penny.

Had an Epic weekend with my mainland ladies for a mani/pedi day. The esthetician basically did a gel paint and polish on our toes and fingers. That was pretty awesome that she came in about noon and stayed until about 9pm. We all got done! I had a few moments of selfishness and woe is me. I moved to Nanaimo and then Victoria and no one has come over to visit me. The girls are making plans to go to Quesnel to see another one of our friends. I am jealous, I freely admit it and hurt. BUT if I asked any of them to come visit me or for a favor I know it would be given without hesitation. The world does not revolve around me and my wishes. I was included in the planning, however, the next time I am over will be for Hallowe’en and that’s about it for this year.

Big news in our group, we’ve had weddings and babies and now moving. WW and her hubby are going to move out to Chilliwack. That’s pretty far out there. But I live farther  I was lucky enough to go house hunting with WW. She isn’t asking for much and I know the right property will come along for them. I have plans in place already for getting from A to B.

I know that this “family” has been years in the making but I am truly blessed to be so loved and included without second thought. The light in their eyes when they see me and the HUGE HUGS that help fill my soul well just lift my spirits higher and higher.

Coming home is always a little depressing challenge but I do get over it. I am trying my hardest to get out and into Victoria and its people. I am to be patient and take is slow but it’s difficult when I don’t remember how to make friends. I was always “in” the group I do not remember how to be the “new” one. I just have to believe that I am worth it and some where there will be a niche in a group that I will fit right into.

Frustration

I am a good friend and try to cultivate good friends.

I know that we each have our problems and that we are lucky to have those friends that we can verbal diarrhea and they will be the shoulder, tears, voice we need at that moment.

Sometimes tho' I want to shake my friends and say...stop talking about it and deal with it!! I want to shout it in their face and imprint it into their minds so that there will be no hesitation for them.

The decisions that brought me to this moment would not have been done without the friends that have my heart and allow me to make mistakes and celebrate my triumphs as the moments come.

I cannot and will not go backwards...forwards for me and unfortunately there will be harm to those in my life as they try and understand the decisions.

I need to stand firm. We grow and we change and we learn. Each and every frackin' one of us.

February 25, 2014 ~ Boxing #7

There are really only two requirements when it comes to exercise. One is that you do it. The other is that you continue to do it. ~The New Glucose Revolution for Diabetes by Jennie Brand-Miller, Kaye Foster-Powell, Stephen Colagiuri, Alan W. Barclay

An hour of basketball feels like 15 minutes. An hour on a treadmill feels like a weekend in traffic school. ~David Walters

Exercise relieves stress. Nothing relieves exercise. ~Animal Crossing: Wild World (Nintendo video game) written by Takayuki Ikkaku, Arisa Hosaka, and Toshihiro Kawabata

The best six doctors anywhere And no one can deny it Are sunshine, water, rest, and air Exercise and diet. These six will gladly you attend If only you are willing Your mind they'll ease Your will they'll mend And charge you not a shilling. ~Nursery rhyme quoted by Wayne Fields, What the River Knows, 1990

February 19, 2014 ~ Boxing #6

Procrastination thy name is Seifrit.

For good reason I had not attended the gym. Initially I was worried my IBS was acting up again and once you are in the kickboxing circuit, it isn't really recommended you leave. Sooo...I didn't go. AND THEN I had the flu and there was no way I was going to disease other members. AND THEN the weather sucked.

But I did it. I jumped rope in 20's...who knew. *pats self on back* And punched, kicked, kneed and crunched my way til my hair was sweating.

Each punch I took I kept thinking, if you don't do it you won't do it. Don't get depressed, work it out. Over and over in my head.

I hate my brain sometimes. With the weather here in Victoria being so sporadically rainy, and not even rainy. Freakin' misty soak you through drops that are kinda pointless to put up an umbrella rain. AND THEN not being home to clean and then taking the time and getting angry because of all the cat hair. Stupid vicious cycle.

Myran is now here living in Leah. March 22nd is the wedding date. I want it here and done. I want her to be happy it's all done. Her accident settlement done. Their move to a larger place. Done. I want them to be happy.

Stupid brain.

But I did it, and I will do it again. I will do my damndest to make me a priority.

February 10, 2014 ~ Random Acts of Kindness

It really is the small things that help the heart fill with love, light and the hope to lift someone's spirits...even a little.

Came back through the Ferry terminal heading homeward and lo and behold an amazing array of people. Young, old, marrieds, singles, groups..and the freakin' amount of luggage. Oh be still my heart.

As I stood there shaking my head at the vast array and selection of luggage people were lugging around I was astounded to realize that not too many of them knew about the luggage drop off at the entrance to the wait area once you receive your ticket.

Boarding the ferry, amidst the jostling and the anger and yes, even some tears of frustration at the burden of dragging their stuff, I made it. I found a seat. A seat amidst the chaos. It was a close one tho. The ferry was at max capacity for passengers.

When one has more than a purse or backpack the ferry adventure begins. you have to decide if you can trust your seatmate IF a) you have to go to the bathroom and b) if you'd like to stand in the line up for something to eat or drink.

I stood in line for my sandwich and just mentally shook my head at all the people that were standing there with their luggage, balancing their trays and trying to figure out who to get through the people, through the line up and then to the cashier.

I found a two set and asked if I could share the table. I am not afraid to ask. Finished my sandwhich and then decided to loop around and check for a seat for the rest of the trip.

Although they ask that you don't put your feet on the seats nor your luggage and that the ferry was at full capacity so please share, so many people just disregarded that whole thing. AND then you see the people looking for the plug ins for their technology, be it a laptop, cell phone or tablet. People are funny.

I found a set of four and asked if anyone was sitting there. There was one lady with her giant suitcase, a brief case and an overnight bag. She was taking up three seats. Again, mentally shaking my head I situated myself with my laptop (thank goodness fully charged although I had scoped out the plug in that was above me underneath the television set) and began watching Parker with my headphones on.

Although I was watching the movie I was very much aware of those around me and I was watching the lady start to squirm in her seat. Either bathroom or food, is she going to ask me or is she not? Those thoughts kept swirling around in my head. Sure enough, would you mind watching my bag while I go to the bathroom? No problem. Are you going to still sit there? At that she gave me a strange look and I just said that everyone was looking for seating so if she was going to stay seated where she was she had better place something there. Makes sense, she replied and off she went.

When she returned, it seemed like a long while after, she seemed to be in a friendlier and chattier mood. I did want to watch the movie but, okay. I will be polite.

Helen was coming over to the Island for training with the bank. She was on a six week course and this was her second visit to the island. I did mention to her that there was a luggage drop off and she was aghast. Seriously? Why don't they tell people? Definitely next time she would use it as yes, it makes sense to drop everything off and then pick it up on the other side. I then asked her if she was taking transit, knowing that if she said yes, for the next two hours I would definitely have a new friend. Oh no, she saved her company money by taking the ferry instead of helijet, she was catching a cab.

AND THEN she asked me what I was doing and I said probably queuing up with everyone else. She gave me a look, gauging me as a person I believe and then offered me a ride downtown. I was aghast. Seriously? She said yes, you did me a good turn by mentioning the luggage drop off and that is huge. You seem like a nice girl, why not.

And that dear reader is how I got back to my apartment by 915p instead of 11p.

February 4, 2014 ~ Boxing #5

It's true what they say, it takes time to break habits and longer to create new ones that stick..

Even though I have only attended at 30 Min Hit a few times, I do feel stronger. I feel stronger in my arms and in my legs. I still count how many I can do each 15 seconds for the minute...and the number is climbing..

I still can't freakin' jump rope. When I do actually do more than 5 in a row I get so excited and then fumble and the cannot..and then can...and then cannot. I work up a sweat doing just that bit..

Today I worked out the frustration of not knowing where I will be workwise in a week..

I am an employee of an Agency who has been hired by the RevTax office. My space is an end bit at desk placed at the back of a boardroom. Today everything has to be boxed up and placed in an empty space so that the boardroom space can be renovated to create two offices and a small support staff area. .

Great in theory. But where am I to go? Luckily (or not) two lawyers are not going to be in the office and I can go into their space..until Tuesday. And then?.

I asked the Manager if perhaps I should go to the Agency to see if they can find me work for a month or so. I don't have files assigned to me and there would be nothing left in limbo. That way, I would still be an employee BUT they wouldn't have to worry about finding me a corner...she didn't like that at all..

So tonight as I punch and breathe and count...I work out the frustrations of the not known in my current employment situation..

Well that AND not having the double pay of my day job and my night job...is a little frustrating. I know I can manage just fine, I did it before with just the one job...but for that two month period..it was nice having backup..

Punch - money, punch - space, jab - bills, right cross - grrrrrr

~Friendships~

Drama comes in many forms. Quietly until it's so loud it shatters any peace of mind you claim that you have had or like a freight train when you are standing too close to the rails.

I am a good person, a good friend, an honest and patient woman. There is a trust placed in me which honors my heart and makes me feel warm and wanted.

BUT this weekend was hard. I stepped up and tried to bring calm to an otherwise chaotic scheming person who all innocently, what me? Made me cry and burble over until luckily I was calm and told myself..me. I did a good thing, I kept the crazy away from others, I kept the peace. I did that.

Whenever you get a group together of course there is going to be some kind of drama. I had planned to participate in a holiday event and smile and shine out of pictures, that either I had taken or others.

But was I? Almost forgotten I felt because I had saved the others from the drama because I didn't want sadness to enter into everyone's fun.

I have come through the fire, burned, scorched and renewed.

I am happy because I choose to be.

I cried because I needed a release.

And with two double dipped mary jane soaked almond joys, copius amount of mai tai, rum, beer and laughter...I had a great time!

But let's not repeat that any time soon...so I promise myself.

January 22, 2014 ~ Last day of Paddling :(

Little did I know that the trainer for tonight actually does the training for the Dragon Boat teams in the summer. His name was Eric. He called the Hut Ho and he called suggestions for better positioning and he pushed me til my arm muscles trembled.

It was kinda awesome.

Another bright clear star shiny night. All aboard and away we went. I still was nervous and panicky but with the suggestions offered, I believe I did okay.

They all joked about how they Dragon Boat just for the beer gardens. It's not an easy task and I knew I'd be sore the next day but I did my best to keep up with everyone.

For once the one behind me kept splashing (I say once but this was only my third time Paddling).

Afterwards we went to the Glo Bar for a drink and appy. This is a great group but I just can't commit to anything yet. Maybe next season. They are a tight group and the saying is "What's said in the group stays in the group". I was a ok with that.

Stretched and then one of the ladies, Stella, drove me home. Very nice of her. I was zonkered.

Awoke the next morning and had to pack for my Pirate Adventure but boy, oh boy, lifting my arms was quite the challenge.

The cost is $95 til the end of March then $200-$300 for the Dragon Boat season. I will do my best to save up but my Vancouver volunteering committments mean a lot to me.

We shall see.

January 20, 2014 ~ Boxing #4

Be Aggressive, B E Aggressive. Stupid words from that Cheerleading movie with Kirsten Dunst. It works though, the red gloves, the words, the hurt and anger that I am feeling from a variety of sources. Grrr...punch, punch, jab.

Monday morning .. oh vey. I type that but in all honesty it was a great morning.

My friend Steph (from high school who has been in Sydney housesitting while her parents are in New Zealand and who lives in Edmonton, who set me up with Nicole for Recreational Outrigger Paddling *phew*) came for dinner Sunday night. I made lasagna, she brought salad, we drank a bottle of wine, had some oreos with the blueberry squeak (blueberries, sugar and vodka that had been soaking since June 2013) and gabbed, gossiped, cried, laughed, talked...all the above. It was fantastic!

Steph spent the night and when I awoke, I made us some coffee and we chatted. No rush this morning because she was going to drive me in to work.

Arrive, two people out ill and that leaves two out of three left...one more was having her flex day. I cannot wait until my flex day begins once I am a permanent employee in this Government office.

Long day, very long...and so I begin texting randomly..his and hellos, check out fb, emails, etc. AND THEN the capper...the aggression switch

To begin with...in January I begin planning my year. There are certain volunteer events that I do and participate in and visiting that needs to be planned. Most of my people understand that..BUT there is always that one person in our lives that can upset us quicker than quick, quicker than a greyhound at the races after that freakin' fluffy bunny, a drunk on a bender to get that last drop that eludes them at the bottom of the glass, that frantic pushing of the button to make sure your hungry, hungry hippo gets the last marble.

Backstory, in December my bestfriend's father passed away. We knew it was coming but the when was uncertain. I could not attend the funeral because I worked two jobs and getting to the location was not something I was able to do. She understood this and we communicated all the days through it. After the funeral a memorial date was set and I worked around my calendar and no problem, we were going to have a few days camping and having fun and both of us were super excited that I could a) do the volunteer gig, b) have one on one time and c) attend her dad's memorial.

The text said, plans have changed ...going to the memorial the day before and then heading up to whereever to attend his nephews graduation. My response, no worries, I won't pland for the week and unfortunately won't be able to come and attend your dad's memorial. Her response. Sorry. My response, ah well..we will just have to figure out another time to see each other. Can't fret about it.

Mature and no blame...in text. In my head a huge blazing ball of fury. WTF? What about me? Did she even think about me? She's in a relationship and I need to step back..again...way freakin' back. BREATHE MELISSA...freakin' BREATHE.

Needless to say, when I put my gloves on and began my circuit my head was so busy but on the ball that the Instructor bare came up to correct my stance or hitting and the 30 minutes flew by. Too fast. I wanted to go again...and again. Until I was too tired to think. Got home and checked marked my calendar for the exercise day was accomplished. YAY! Good job.

Sat down and thought about me and my feelings and what I need to do to get out of this negative headspace. I have learned over these last few years that I am worth it. I am worth the time that people wish to share with me. I can no longer be in a position to be upset when things don't work out...that is life.

And sometimes life sucks and then you throw the lollipop stick away and GET OVER IT! Tomorrow is another day.

~Family~

After speaking with my Mom and Uncle at Christmaas they suggested I go onto facebook and connect with their cousin who lives in Victoria. Since this is a year of "Why Not"...why not indeed.

Vida contacted me right away and invited me to breakfast ... she would pay. Of course, I balked at her paying but going for breakfast, yes please.

She picked me up with a text that read "waiting in a read pos out front". Kay, my first thought was ... hmmm...black sheep? I got into the car and there she was. White hair with spiky purple and pink bangs, pierced nose and lip, one of those piercings by the eye and the most welcoming smile that I didn't know I had been missing.

Away we went and to Floyd's Diner. We started talking right away and poof..the hours flew by and she needed to leave. Currently the family only had one vehicle and she had to get it home so that her son Cameron could take it to socce, of which he either plays or coaches. I couldn't recall.

She said, we will see you soon, have you over for dinner. You can't get away from us now.

Happy tears!!

On Saturday, January 20, 2014, Vida came and picked me up for dinner. Initially I had told her that I needed to be picked up at 4p and home by 8p because I needed to sleep for my night job. Little did I know I would be let go on the Friday and that I would have time to be with the family.

She was so excited to be driving her new to her silver subaru wagon. Her own vehicle. It was quite funny. She was also excited to entertain and make new recipes for dinner. This night was mexican. Chicken enchiladas, refried beans and mexican rice. Spicy, spicy.

First to greet me was her son Cameron and his girlfrieng Emily. Cameron had had his wisdome teeth out the previous day and was still pretty loopy. In school taking criminal something or other. Going for his Masters. Smark freakin' kid. Emily was quite and very nice. Making certain that I felt welcome.

Next to enter was her daughter Kailey. Vida hadn't told her I'd be there so she was a little surprised. She had had a disagreement with her beau Lee and from what I could tell was not happy. We had a lively discussion and bashing of boys. It was very cool to see her relationship with her mom.

After dinner we were relaxing watching something on tv and the conversation became roundabout. It was fun to watch, listen to and participate in.

Last to come home was Zane's twin Cameron and his girlfriend Becky. Slimmer than Zane but nonetheless smart as a whip (Gramma's coming through right there). Also very welcoming and including.

There is another son who lives in Vancouver with his partner Dutch. Perhaps I will meet him in February when Kailey has invited me to another family dinner to celebrate her 26th birthday. Awww...super honored. She said, well, we are family. *happy tears*

Cool and weird. They welcomed me without hesitation and after Vida dropped me off I sent her a text thanking her for dinner and the company. She said that her kids thought I was pretty cool and looked forward to seeing me again. Awwww. It was a Happy Saturday filled with love and...family.

January 18, 2014 – Boxing Day Three

When the 7:00a alarm went off, I was confused. What day was it? A work day? But now, it was Saturday. Saturday morning and I was waking in my bed from an almost full nights sleep. Craziness.

But lo and behold where I have the 30 Min Hit posted on my wall, Open 8am to 12pm. Okey doke. Cats fed, watered and litter changed, bag packed and away I went.

Made it there by 9am and it felt good. Really, really good. The aggression was still there, kinda more so now that I didn’t have the night job any longer, anger that the Head of the House was dealing with a ship she was putting holes in. *sigh*

30 minutes later it was over, my pulse was good, my face and back were sweaty..and I felt great. Full of energy.

Home by 11am and then I just rested. These decisions that I am making not only affect me daily but will effect me for a lifetime.

~To thine own self be true~

January 16, 2014 ~ Boxing

2nd time...totally nervous. I had been babying my left thigh muscle all week, couldn't stretch that sucker to save my life.

Arrived and changed. Asked if my gloves had arrived. A nice bright red pair...I said I wanted red because it would remind me to be agressive and do my best. Little did I know that that stupid phrase would rebound around and around my noggin the entire 30 minutes.

To begin I skipped rope...20x before I have to restart. Watched my breathing. Listened for the move it chime and away I went.

Gloves on and jab, left right until the chime then fast, again the chime slow and then fast (4x) approximately. Each time I counted to see how many I could do in the time period. Tonight's instructor was Megan. She caught on and laughed.

Then the next station was core, crunches on the exercise ball...thank goodness you didn't need to speed up for that one.

The stations are upper body, lower body and core...13 stations I believe.

By the time I got to the front kick my heart rate was up and I was feeling good. Proud of myself for not stopping.

Thankfully I believe I have figured out that I need to eat at 3:30pm in order not be nauseaus when I reach the halfway station.

Finished and stretched. This time time flew. I do believe that 2x a week is doable and maybe once I'm down to one job maybe even 3x.

Good Job Seifrit!

January 15, 2014 ~ Outrigger Paddling

Initially I was just going to attend and cross this item off my bucket list, Paddling. It was going to be a one time thing and then I’d move to the next item and adventure. Little did I know that Nicole would turn out to be an amazing instructor and the other three members (Ben and the two ladies whose names I don’t recall) would be so very welcoming.

I arrived early, cuz that’s the way I roll..and waited. Nicole arrived by way of “Is that a Melissa?” My response was a cheeky...it could be “The Melissa”..that seemed to break the ice. They brought me into the room and told me to grab a pfd and that they’d find me a paddle. I was a little taller than everyone there so I went through a few before Nicole was satisfied. Back on the dock she sat me on the bench and gave me a quick lesson. She said, “It’ll be better on the water”...I started to think , back out now, before you are in the water, it’ll be easier..but then talked myself into sticking to it. She also said listen for the cues, Hut...ready and Ho..switch sides. A fluid moment to keep us in a forward motion. Okey dokey.

We went down to an Outrigger, I had to google this because I had no idea ... a long skinny canoe with two sticks and a buoy. Now, I know how large my ass is and that little teeny slender seat looked daunting. We pushed the Outrigger into the water and everyone climbed in. My immediate thought was, oh hell, I’m going to pee my pants I am so scared next to I’m going to fly over the side and just feckin’ breathe. Next I got my butt onto that skinny seat and knew that I wasn’t going to be going anywhere, I was locked in tight.

Nicole started getting us out on the water, told me to watch the lady sitting in front of pen, blonde ponytail blue jacket. She’d be the one that I needed to watch. And away we went, Nicole corrected my posture and hold on the paddle (of which I had a death grip). Ben was the caller (I am sure he has a special name) and immediately just Ho’d...I panicked and said wait wait, that wasn’t what I just learned. They laughed and agreed that this time, they’d Hut and Ho just for me.

The water was black, I was afraid of splashing, still of falling in and the night sky was clear(ish). I asked the Goddess to help me remain calm and get me back to shore (along with everyone else) safely.

At the halfway point, we had a rest and Ben turned in his seat so that I could see proper frame for paddling, keep the top arm straight (like you are mixing from your chin) and your bottom arm close to the paddle...straight down parallel to the boat (I just kept my focus on Ben and then the lady in front of him..constantly).

We turned around and back we went. Nicole kept saying "Top Arm" and I'd straighten. My concentration was fierce. The sound of the paddles, the Hut Ho'ing from Ben..the feeling that we were going at a pretty good pace and I was doing pretty good. It was awesome.

Closer to the dock the ladies yelled how's she doing and Nicole's response was..she hasn't even had a break. That made me smile and pat myself on the back (in my head that is).

We parked (I don't know how else to say it) and everyone got out. I was pretty pleased that I hadn't gotten that wet. My shoes a little damp because of getting in but little did I know...pulling the Outrigger back up onto the dock I stepped forward a little too far, right into the water. Aaah well.

As we were heading back up so that I could return the pfd and paddle they asked me what I thought. My response. See you next Wednesday!

Pretty proud of myself for totally getting out of my comfort zone.

January 14, 2014 ~ Accountable

This is the name of the game.

Currently I work Mon to Fri, 9a to 5p and then Thurs, Fri and Sat nights 9p or 11p to either 7a, 9a or 11a.

Come February I was supposed to work only Fri and Sat BUT today I decided to make a change.

I want to be healthy this year.  I have already been implementing a healthier eating plan, NOT a diet, cuz then I talk myself out of what I'm doing.

I am going to be accountable.  Today I weigh 265, my measurements are:

Upper arm: 13"
Chest: 47"
Waist: 41"
Hips 52"
R. Thigh 31"
L. Thigh 33"

I know I can be proud of myself because I can fit into size 18 and 20 pants and I am no longer 60" around.

~

This is a big week.

Today I joined 30 Min Hit and I went after work, got there about 6p, finished and then home by 8p.

While this has been on my mind for a while today I took a chance on me.  I signed up for one year.

I will be accountable and do my best to be there 2x or 3x a week.  No more, and absolutely not less.

~~

I will do my best to be accountable as well to update this blog.  It's been something that I look at but haven't done.  I follow a lot.  I am online a lot.  No matter how short even if it's just ... went and did it.  Is something.

~~~

I Will Accomplish this ... day by day.  I will make myself proud and work on calming my spirit and soul with the aggression that I will be able to work out.  *fingers crossed* at least that's the plan.

~~~~

For now, Day One...done.