Question:

What is a man's Ultimate embarrassment?

Tee Hee…


Answer:

Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose.

Not quote a month but pretty darn close.

It's been quite a hectic few weeks.

My Gran passed away August 27, 2006. Almost 10 years to the day her husband my Papa died...July 31, 1996. The same date as her father's birthday. Her Memorial was held in Rossland at the Legion on the 31st. This was my Papa's birthday. Kinda weird and cool at the same time.

I received the telephone call at 1:51 on Friday August 25. I had been having a horrid headache all week so I was kinda grouchy and then the telephone call came from my Unc. D. He said do what you have to but get home asap. Gran is in the hospital and not expected to make it. Call the family.

Now in my family we had all been prepared for the telephone call. Prepared is one thing, actually receiving it is another. I immediately called MyLuc who had taken the day off to take his car in. He said he'd be home as soon as possible but it'd be rush hour so he didn't know when that'd be. I called Mom and left a message. I called Sprout and didn't get through. I called Robin, Sprout's bf, and he said he'd get ahold of Sprout. I called Stretch and left a message.

The rest of the hours passed in a blur of crying and telephone calls and trying to figure out how I could get home.I made it home and waited for MyLuc. I just wanted a hug. I took Sarah from the closet where she's been since Mel, Luc's Grandad passed end of May. I held her and just lay on the bed.

MyLuc came home and he held me and we tried to decide what to do. We could leave early Saturday getting there in the afternoon or I could take a bus tonight and get there early Saturday morning and he'd come down later..after he'd made arrangements for care of the critters. It was a tough decision. Have us leave early Saturday morning and be too late but he'd be with me or leave asap and have him come down after.

I chose to leave that night. I had 1/2 an hour to pack and I opened the closet and emptied it into my suitcase, my dirty clothes from the hamper as well. Got organized with my backpack giving MyLuc instructions on grabbing me fruit and stuff to eat, my books, my chargers for my cell and o'course my camera. It was done so quick. We made it with tons of time to spare and then I was alone.

I waited it seemed for hours for the bus to come. When it arrived my cousin Dyll was in the seat behind the driver, he's underage so although we are cousins we couldn't sit together. It was a very full bus and I woke some huge guy who was stretched out. And away we went. The bus ride was long, the guy wiggled alot, I cried and I hoped that my cell wouldn't ring that I was too late. The guy got kinda fresh and then got off the bus. Good thing because I would have punched him in the 'nads. He was being an ass.

We (Dyll and I) made it to Castlegar and into trail by 5:30 a.m. I had made arrangements for my best's hubby Chad to pick me up and also Dyll and take us to Aunties'. Auntie was there though. She hadn't got the message and had expected me later that day. Needless to say she didn't see me until I pointed to the car when I was talking with Chad and said "Well, there's my Aunt soo...".

Auntie, Dyll and I headed to 7-11 where we loaded up on coffee and snacks to take to the Hospital. That's where everyone was. We walked in and everyone was totally surprised to see me.

Gran was lying in the bed so small and wrinkled. She had gotten pneumonia and along with her advanced lung cancer and Parkinson's she was in pretty bad shape. The family rotated. 7 of her children, 10 of her grandchildren and o'course some of her greats. Although they are pretty young and probably don't remember what was going on. The whole family made it. The "Call to Arms" went out and asap we responded. My Unc. Larry who lives in Saskatchewan made it in just over 9 hours.

As the day went on we (the family) traded shifts, told stories, Gran came awake and was coherent and said "Don't cry", "Don't be sad", "I don't hurt". We talked to her and she responded as best she could. I admit I confused her once because I took off my sweatshirt and she thought I was someone else. It was hard but it was okay. I went down to Aunties and showered and changed in record time. We went and got pizza for the kids and to bring up to the Hospital. They moved us to the Family room which had a room and kitchen/couch area.

Conversations varied, TV was watched, emotions ran high. My cell was forever in my hand talking with MyLuc and updating him and talking with my best T. Errands were run. Auntie went up and lay an angel ornament on Papa' s stone saying "An angel was on its way". We talked and laughed and cried. For such a sad time it was good to see everyone.

Saturday evening everyone decided to get some sleep, go for showers and just stand by. I had set my cell to ring alarm for an hour at a time so I could spell the Uncles. They weren't leaving for anything.

Sunday morning, we were getting kicked out by the nurses so that they could bathe Gran. Mom and I decided to have a shower and change after staying at the Hospital over night. We went to Aunties for a super quick shower and change. I finsihed, we had a quick coffee and talked about how someone would be sleeping, in the shower, on the way, etc...and the telephone rang.

Back to the Hospital we went. Gran had passed when the nurses were bathing her. The theories vary on why then. My two favorites are that she wanted to go to Papa clean and that she wanted a moment when family wasn't around. A breathe all her own.

Arrangements began that night for the rest of the week.

It was a very long week. My family are alcoholics and they drink Bud *shudder* lots of Bud. We laughed, we talked, we cried, we made new memories and talked about old ones. We remembered Gran.

Lots happened that week. Wednesday, the day before her Memorial, Mom, Sprout, Stretch and I went up to visit Papa and let him know that Gran was on her way. MyLuc came down on the Wednesday afternoon and we stayed at T's. T-,man remembered Luc and wanted to show him everything. Q-girl, who had never met either of us just stared and stared at MyLuc. And then she'd grin and it was awesome. I was telephoned and asked if I could read a poem. I said I would try.

Thursday came early. MyLuc and I headed out to Tim Hortons. The coffee was horrible. My father was there. That was horrible. Back into town to pick up T. Up to the graveside where I had an attack of the funnies about how people were acting. MyLuc holding me tight because he thought I was sobbing...nope...T and I had the giggles. Back to Trail to pick up Q-girl (T needed to feed her and bring her along). Back to Rossland to the Legion. Up the stairs. The Legion Padre giving a really really long religious talk about Gran (so not Gran). Read the poem which was really long. Down stairs to do the meet and greet and I'm sorry about your Gran thingy. Too much so fast.

I decided that I needed to come home. Right then. We drove T back home. Went to Gran's so I could say goodbye, to Aunties for our gear and off we went.

We made it to Princeton, got a room at the Best Western, had a nice dinner and drinks and then MyLuc held me. Home on Friday where Matthew, MyLuc's bro had been staying at the apartment caring for the critters.

It was a long week.

Adventures of Strongarm and ummm....Me

Friday night I decided that I didn't want to spend what was going to be a gorgeous weekend indoors. I knew I had to do laundry and dishes and normal clean up the apartment kinda stuff but I really wanted to go outdoors.

So I called my friend Strongarm and we decided to hook up at 9 a.m. at the PNE (cuz it was free entrance until noon) and go from there. She knew that she had to donate blood about 1130 so she wouldn't have to stay but I decided we'd wing it. Sooo...to bed early. Up early and out the door by 730.

I met Strongarm and a whole bunch of other people who decided that it'd be a great idea to get the free entrance and we did a quick walkthrough. It was awesome to see that the V-slicer stand was there again and o'course my Hubcab (stovetop grill). There were a bunch of other booths and o'course my friend and her son were entered in the 4H competition with their sheep so I wanted to stop by and see them. We checked the map and decided to come back after she donated blood.

Off we went. We made it to the donation centre and I thought...what the heck. The last date on my card was September 2000...shortly after that I moved out of living with Strongarm and hadn't gone back. And then o'course I got my tattoo and well you have to wait. I passed through, did the assessment questioning and donated my pint.

Off we went again. We went to a mongolian grill type of place where you fill the bowl, they cook it, and bring the cooked food with rice and soup for $6. It was awesome and totally filling.

And away again we went. To Science World where they were holding the Flugtag. I have to tell you...there were so many people down there you couldn't squeeze yourself through the crowd in some areas. And it was hot and sticky and Strongarm was wearing jean capris so she wanted to go home and change. After getting my Sugar Free Red Bull away we went.

To Strongarms so she could change. I swear...that girl changed into 3 outfits before deciding what she wanted to wear.

Back to the PNE we went. We looked at the schedule and decided to check out the high dive. On the way we o'course following tradition had to stop for mini-donuts. I had three. Not a whole bag which was horrid because 1 for $3 and 2 for $5 but Strongarm was happy and fulfilled...minus the 3 that I ate o'course. The high diving was awesome. They totally played to the crowd and it totally helped that one of the divers was HOT!!! After that we went to the 4H showing and I found Alison and Markus. I haven't seen them for 3 years and o'course they were very surprised. I found out that Lisa and Darren welcomed Tyler Joe Colin into the world on August 3rd and was teary in a happy kind of way. I mean I only found out she was having a baby on February 3 so being told later in the game...to borrow a phrase from a friend "Meh"

To the Marketplace. I purchased a bowl for my V-slicer and a waffle blade, a hair clip (Made in Africa), a very cool nail kit (cuz I am a girl), a new crystal nail file (cuz I lost mine), some popcorn spice and dip mix and a Sushi Master.

I watched the live infomercial, asked questions, walked away, came back, asked some more questions, "Can you use brown rice"being the main one. I thought...you know...$29.99 for 3 sushi thingys and a knife...why not. This will totally cure my sushi craving.

Strongarm and I decided to go to one more show...We headed for the Illusion something or other. It was a really awesome magician with a dance troupe for entertainment. Weird and cool at the same time.

I think I made it home by 930. It was a very long day.

Thanks for reading! *HUGE HUGS*

**Sushi Master story to come

18 pounds in 6 weeks

Yep, you read that correctly. After my last doctor's appointment wherein he said "Either lose it or you're going to go somewhere where they'll help you lose it" and suggesting strongly "The Okinawa Program" with some notes on a scrap piece of paper....18 pounds in 6 weeks.

No cheese *sigh*
No red meat *gasp*
Limited amounts of alcohol *shrug*
Go Vegetarian *wince*

MyLuc and I now have a schedule where Monday's I go to Shallow Water Aquasize (I seriously didn't know you could sweat in water until this class) and he cooks, Tuesdays I cook and he goes for a run after dinner (Yep, he's taken up running...and so proud of his "super fast" sneakers to quote DaMamma and Mare), Wednesdays we're on our own for dinner (I have steamed veggie potstickers and tofu fried with a little bit of asian spicy sauce and red pepper flakes and he has steak ) before going to Deep Water Aquasize (I LOVE the float belts...so much fun!!), Thursdays, I cook and the he goes running, Friday's he cooks and we go for a walk after dinner. Saturday and Sundays vary so far. He goes running one of the days and the other we go walking.

I seriously didn't know how much I enjoyed coming home to a glass of wine until I decided only on Fridays and Saturdays and only two. TWO! That was a horrid number in the beginning but now it's a piece of pie...errr..slice of pie...piece of cake. Something like that.

And I've been so totally not cheating that I had a really good night a few weeks ago and then banned myself from any treats, dessert or alcohol for two weeks. A friend recently asked if I could join her for DQ. I decided sure...why not. It was Monday so by Saturday when we're at MyLuc's 'rents I may have some dessert or a drink. One or the other but not both.

I'm very proud of myself for what I've done and it really hasn't been too totally of a change other than I am kinda getting tired of chicken and fish recipes. But the veggies and fruits are easy.

At work the other day to celebrate finally moving into the office and having things mostly organized they want to go to DQ and buy an Ice Cream Cake. I was asked what they could purchase for me. It's awesome that they are thinking of me. I said a fruit bowl.

I do miss steak tho' and cheese. Soy and Tofu cheese just don't do it for me...it's like licking plastic (no offense to the lovers of such cheese it's just my opinion).

I never realized how much variety you don't get when you are looking for certain ingredients to avoid. I can't have table sugar. I can only have whole wheat flour. No more whites. No more ketchup or mustard. Although Dijon isn't too bad. I am so loving the different varieties of hummus I'm trying and o'course MyLuc is being awesome. Last night we had burgers and he picked up 3 white kaisers for him and his meat burgers and 3 whole wheat buns for me and my garden veggie burgers. I have to admit. This brand (which I can't remember the name) wasn't terribly bad.

All in all by the deadline of September 14, 2006 I hope to be closer to where the doctor wants me to be and o'course I'll keep working on it because I really really want to lose some of the jiggle that I've go going on.

Ifn' you've gotten this far...thanks for reading.

*HUGE HUGS*

MOM - JOB DESCRIPTION

POSITION: Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy, Ma

JOB DESCRIPTION: Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES : The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT &PROMOTION : Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE : None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION : Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS : While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right. .

Rants, Raves, Catch Ups

Too long has it been since I've been able to do a really good entry. Here goes:

I went with Strongarm to Cirque de Soliel = Varakai (sp). It was awesome, amazing, jaw dropping, drooling and definately a must see...if not Varakai then another show. The aerobics, music, costumes, makeup, set led to me getting a crink in my neck and back as I tried to gather everything in. Although Strongarm and I were sitting side by side we weren't spending our time looking in the same areas. We both saw different things and overrode each other trying to tell all we saw.

MyLuc and I had a huge fight which almost let me to telling him to "get his ass outta my house". We were attending a concert and I was amazed at the Pianist and whispered to Luc that it kinda made me want to go back to playing the piano. He whispered back "Why...you'll just quit it like everything else". Needless to say I was PO'd major. I didn't even want to sit in the car with him I was so angry. The concert ended at 11 and I so was going to take the bus even if it meant me not getting home until the next day. I ended up giving in and crying and being angry we drove home and had a discussion and I told him what was bothering me. Now MyLuc in the first year we were living together had enough of my "nagging" and "issues" and went for a walk. I did as well. The second year I think we were at two walks apiece. This year...we argue mostly in the evening when all is supposed to be calm and quiet until the wee hours of the morning. We made up and all was well.

My cousin Dyll came to Vancouver and I thought, why not be a good cousin and take him to "Celebration of Light". The fireworks were something that he wouldn't see in Trail and o'course the crowds might *fingers crossed* keep him with me. We met up with Sprout and Robin for dinner and luckily they were cool with Dyll and I staying with them after the fireworks instead of fighting the traffic of people to get back to our respective homes. Dyll was staying with our Uncle. I swear Dyll's jaw dropped and it stayed that way throughout the 25 minute show. He kept saying that his twin bro Dan would definately want to switch him next year and come to Vancouver. And being the generous person I am, although I really didn't have the money I bought my cuz a pair of shoes. The deal was that they had to be under $100 and from the first shoe store we found. Champs it was and $90 give or take later he was sauntering with his Size 11's down the street. Now the reason for the generosity was that when we met at the Skytrain I was amazed that his mom (Anti R) even let him come to Vancouver with his shoes. The soles were loose and I swear he could scoop sand and gravel with the flap and flick it. They were so gross.

Our office move was horrible. The three secretaries packed up an office of what was 8(?) lawyers and 4 support staff an Accountant and a Helper in 3 freakin' days. While working our butts off. Steph and I stayed late waay too many evenings to get it done and organized. During the workroom pack up we were "brutal" in our decision of what to keep and what to throw of the tabs. Now the tabs number 1 to 90 something and then the alphabet ones and o'course the coloured and clear ones. The ones who weren't in a home were thrown, another colour, thrown, crinkled, bent....all thrown. Needless to say we still ended up with 6 boxes of tabs and the recycling bin was overflowing.

More to come....

Ten Thoughts to Ponder for 2006

Number 10= Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9= Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 8= Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Number 7= Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Number 6= Some people are like a Slinky ... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

Number 5= Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Number 4= All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 3= Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 and a substantial tax cut saves you 30¢?

Number 2=In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2006= We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America but we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.