Sunday Funny

I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 am. The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare.

As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that area to make sure I was at least presentable. I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.

I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in.Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table,looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away.I was a little surprised when the doctor said, "My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?"I didn't respond.

After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home.The rest of the day was normal ... Some shopping, cleaning, cooking. After school when my 6 year old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, "Mommy, where's my washcloth?"

I told her to get another one from the cupboard. She replied, "No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it."NEVER EVER GOING BACK TO THAT DOCTOR EVER!!!!!

Life's a Journey, take the Scenic Route !

Sunday Funny

Cowboy Poetry

I ain't much for shopping,
Or for goin' into town
Except at cattle-shipping time
I ain't too easily found.

But the day came when I had to go
I left the kids with Ma.
But 'fore I left, she asked me,
"Would you pick me up a bra?"

So without thinkin' I said, "Sure,"
How tough could that job be?
An' I bent down and kissed her
An' said, "I'll be back by three."

Well, I done the things I needed,
But I started to regret
Ever offering to buy that thing
I worked me up a sweat.

I walked into the ladies shop
My hat pulled over my eyes,
I didn't want to take a chance
On bein' recognized.

I walked up to the sales clerk
I didn't hem or haw
I told that lady right straight out,
"I'm here to buy a bra."

From behind I heard some snickers,
So I turned around to see
Every woman in that store
Was a'gawkin' right at me!

"What kind would you be looking for?"
Well, I just scratched my head.
I'd only seen one kind before,
"Thought bras was bras," I said.

She gave me a disgusted look,
"Well sir, that's where you're wrong.
Follow me," I heard her say,
Like a dog, I tagged along.

She took me down this alley
Where bras was on display.
I thought my jaw would hit the floor
When I saw that lingerie.

They had all these different styles
That I'd never seen before
I thought I'd go plumb crazy
'fore I left that women's store.

They had bras you wear for eighteen hours
And bras that cross your heart.
There was bras that lift and separate,
And that was just the start.

They had bras that made you feel
Like you ain't wearing one at all,
And bras that you can train in
When you start off when you're small.

Well, I finally made my mind up
Picked a black and lacy one
I told the lady, "Bag it up,"
And figured I was done.

But then she asked me for the size
I didn't hesitate
I knew that measurement by heart,
A six-and-seven-eighths."

"Six and seven eighths you say?
That really isn't right."
"Oh, yes ma'am! I'm real positive
I measured them last night!"

I thought that she'd go into shock,
Musta took her by surprise
When I told her that my wife's bust
Was the same as my hat size.

"That's what I used to measure with,
I figured it was fair,
But if I'm wrong, I'm sorry ma'am."
This drew another stare.!

By now a crowd had gathered
And they all was crackin' up
When the lady asked to see my hat,
To measure for the cup.

When she finally had it figured,
I gave the gal her pay.
Then I turned to leave the store,
Tipped my hat and said, "Good day."

My wife had heard the story
'fore I ever made it home.
She'd talked to fifteen women
Who called her on the phone.

She was still a-laughin'
But by then I didn't care.
Now she don't ask and I don't shop
For women's underwear.

~ Author Unknown

Fantabulous Even!

This long weekend was one of the best ever. Not only did mine begin on Thursday, April 5th at noon when my lawyer headed out of town and left me with very little filing or other work but MyLuc and I had an awesome evening. He decided that he wanted spicy appetizer type thingys for dinner so I got online and pulled out all of my cookbooks so I could amaze him with my creativity.

The first thing I wanted to make was a veggie tray, pretty easy, cut up veggies add dip and away you go. I used premade salad dressing not wanting to make the mistake I did a few weeks ago where I had a very expensive spinach type dry dip and instead of adding plain yogurt added french vanilla. So not the same...really truly.

And then I discovered an awesome Jalapeno Popper Dip. That's right...a chip dip. It so rocks and rolls. I've now made it a twice since Thursday making it my own.

So far the recipe is:

1/2 block of cream cheese, room temperature
1 cup mayonnaise (I used Hellmans)
1 can of green chiles
1/2 jar of sliced jalapenos (I used El Paso)
1/2 cup grated parmesan cheese (I cheated and bought some)

Mix really well all but the parmesan cheese. Sprinke the cheese on top. Bake at the oven at 350 for 15 min and then broil for 5. Make sure that you check to make sure it doesn't burn.

We picked up blue corn chips and together they absolutely rocked.

And then I found online a spicy appetizer dip. It sucked.

I can't recall what we watched because during the appie dinner MyLuc made some strawberry daiquiris (sp?) and pina coladas...two to be exact...that's what I had. He gave me half of his and yup, I ended in bed by 10. And our blender became a smoker so that was all the blended drinks he could make.

Friday, April 6, 2007

The day I consider my anniversary day. I received Cars for XBOX 360 and CSI Season 5. We headed out about noon to Granville Island, skytraining and then bussing it. We walked around and headed to The Sandbar for lunch. It was awesome! I had water with lime (because I was hung over) and we shared an appie of peeled shrimp in a pepper something dressing in a half a papaya. For lunch I had a spinach salad with grilled tuna. It was so yummy.

Away we went, walking, walking, talking, walking and we ended up at Best Buy. There I bought myself Lara Croft for XBOX 360 and Flight of the Navigator and MyLuc's anniversary gift of a computer hookup thingy for XBOX 360. He also got a gift certificate for books. I don't think he reads enough *grin*

Back home where I napped for a few hours and then to the Giants Playoff Season 1 game. It was awesome. We purchased Giants shirts and wore them and participated in the Wave and all the other screaming and yelling that goes on at games. It was pretty funny.

Saturday, April 7, 2007

Home. We went out in the morning to purchase a new blender. Home we went to veg and veg some more.

Sunday, April 8, 2007

Over to my best Strongarms for an awesome Easter dinner and hang out. She gave me a whack of chocolate goodies and went along with my "Can we watch Goblet of Fire please...yes again..." MyLuc went to his families and came home that night with leftover turkey.mmmm

Monday, April 9, 2007

I stayed home with Dead Like Me Season 2 and my cats. I vegged until about 1 when My Girly Girl picked me up and we did errands and I made dinner of Proscuitto wrapped, herb cream cheese filled cod, with the jalapeno dip, salad and ummm...something else. I made Ambrosia salad from MyLuc's joy of cooking but it sucked. Nuff said.

All in all my long weekend rocked. It was nice and relaxing and needed.

I hope yours was a good one as well.

*HUGE HUGS*

Thanks to Cooking with Whine for this recipe:

Bailey's Irish Pudding Shots

1 cup cold milk (whole or 2%)
1 cup cold Bailey's Irish Cream or other Irish Cream liqueur
1 (3.9 oz.) box instant chocolate pudding mix
whipped cream

Combine milk and Bailey's in a mixing bowl. Whisk in pudding mix until well-combined.

Quickly spoon into individual 1-oz. disposable shot glasses. Chill at least one hour.

Garnish with whipped cream before serving. Makes 16-18 shots.

On the 6th and 7th of April, MyLuc and I celebrate the anniversary of when we became exclusive. The story is that on the 6th of April 2004 I invited MyLuc out to watch a performance of the Folk Heroes, way back when I used to sing backup and drum the bodhran and was known as Wonder Wench. On the 7th of April 2004 MyLuc invited me out to Osaka Teppanyaki for our very first dinner out.

April 6th 2005 I took MyLuc out to the Revolving Restaurant for dinner. I was so unhappy that he found out where I was going to take him that I almost, almost decided to take him to Subway because he had found out. But I didn't the dinner was also for me. That night as we revolved around we saw partial filming of the Fantastic Four. That was very cool. I also gave him two beginner passes for Windsurfing which o'course we didn't use to July but still...he was very excited.

April 7th 2006 MyLuc took me out to the Bavarian Haus in New Westminster. My memory of this night is receiving my Ipod Nano and discovering Winzertanz. An awesome german wine that MyLuc likes as well. I can't remember what I gave him but I'm sure it was tickets to something...maybe Tom Cochrane.

This year is my year, I can't yet blog where I'm going to take him in case someone tells him but it's somewhere totally new that we haven't been before. We've decided on gifts $100 or under. He knows that as part of the gift we're going to a Chocolate Affair event at Scienceworld on April 28th. Because I needed to ask in case he had other things planned.

This year my planning has kinda sucked. I purchased tickets to see Jim Belushi and didn't tell him. He wanted tickets to Tom Cochrane. They were the same night. Needless to say thanks to My Girly Girl she helped me sell the tickets to Jim Belushi and her coworker had and awesome time and...he went to Tom all alone. I also tried to book us his Aunt's condo in Whistler with a day of skiing. Needless to say that we're not doing that...but that's part of another "family" type rant blog.

We have two Anniversary dates. Not the first day we met but the first time we both consider becoming exclusive. When we marry waaaay away...we'll have another date I think. The day we marry.

What do you consider an Anniversary date?

And for post #250...

Bet you have trouble reading all this you will be laughing so hard....

I never dreamed slowly cruising on my motorcycle through a residential neighborhood could be so incredibly dangerous! Little did I suspect.

I was on Brice Street - a very nice neighborhood with perfect lawns and slow traffic. As I passed an oncoming car, a brown furry missile shot out from under it and tumbled to a stop immediately in front of me.

It was a squirrel, and must have been trying to run across the road when it encountered the car. I really was not going very fast, but there was no time to brake or avoid it -- it was that close. I hate to run over animals, and I really hate it on a motorcycle, but a squirrel should pose no danger to me. I barely had time to brace for the impact. Animal lovers, never fear. Squirrels, I discovered, can take care of themselves!

Inches before impact, the squirrel flipped to his feet. He was standing on his hind legs and facing my oncoming Valkyrie with steadfast resolve in his beady little eyes.

His mouth opened, and at the last possible second, he screamed and leapt! I am pretty sure the scream was squirrel for, "Bonzai!" or maybe, "Die you gravy-sucking, heathen scum!" The leap was nothing short of spectacular...

He shot straight up, flew over my windshield, and impacted me squarely in the chest. Instantly, he set upon me. If I did not know better, I would have sworn he brought 20 of his little buddies along for the attack.

Snarling, hissing, and tearing at my clothes, he was a frenzy of activity. As I was dressed only in a light T-shirt, summer riding gloves, and jeans this was a bit of a cause for concern. This furry little tornado was doing some damage!

Picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a T-shirt, and leather gloves, puttering at maybe 25 mph down a quiet residential street, and in the fight of his life with a squirrel. And losing...

I grabbed for him with my left hand. After a few misses, I finally managed to snag his tail. With all my strength, I flung the evil rodent off to the left of the bike, almost running into the right curb as I recoiled from the throw. That should have done it. The matter should have ended right there. It really should have.

The squirrel could have sailed into one of the pristinely kept yards and gone on about his business, and I could have headed home. No one would have been the wiser. But this was no ordinary squirrel. This was not even an ordinary angry squirrel. This was an EVIL MUTANT ATTACK SQUIRREL OF DEATH!

Somehow he caught my gloved finger with one of his little hands and, with the force of the throw, swung around and with a resounding thump and an amazing impact, he landed squarely on my BACK and resumed his rather antisocial and extremely distracting activities. He also managed to take my left glove with him! The situation was not improved. Not improved at all.

His attacks were continuing, and now I could not reach him. I was startled, to say the least. The combination of the force of the throw, only having one hand (the throttle hand) on the handlebars, and my jerking back unfortunately put a healthy twist through my right hand and into the throttle. A healthy twist on the throttle of a Valkyrie can only have one result. Torque.

This is what the Valkyrie is made for, and she is very, very good at it. The engine roared and the front wheel left the pavement. The squirrel screamed in anger. The Valkyrie screamed in ecstasy. I screamed in .. well .. I just plain screamed.

Now picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a slightly squirrel-torn t-shirt, wearing only one leather glove, and roaring at maybe 50 mph and rapidly accelerating down a quiet residential street on one wheel, with a demonic squirrel of death on his back. The man and the squirrel are both screaming bloody murder.

With the sudden acceleration I was forced to put my other hand back on the handlebars and try to get control of the bike. This was leaving the mutant squirrel to his own devices, but I really did not want to crash into somebody's tree, house, or parked car. Also, I had not yet figured out how to release the throttle... my brain was just simply overloaded. I did manage to mash the back brake, but it had little effect against the massive power of the big cruiser.

About this time the squirrel decided that I was not paying sufficient attention to this very serious battle (maybe he was an evil mutant NAZI attack squirrel of death), and he came around my neck and got INSIDE my full-face helmet with me.

As the faceplate closed part way, he began hissing in my face. I am quite sure my screaming changed intensity. It had little effect on the squirrel, however. The RPMs on the Dragon maxed out (since I was not bothering with shifting at the moment), so her front end started to drop.

Now picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a very raggedly torn T-shirt, wearing only one leather glove, roaring at probably 80 mph, still on one wheel, with a large puffy squirrel's tail sticking out of the mostly closed full-face helmet. By now the screams are probably getting a little hoarse.

Finally I got the upper hand ... I managed to grab his tail again, pulled him out of my helmet, and slung him to the left as hard as I could. This time it worked ... sort-of. Spectacularly sort-of ...so to speak.

Picture a new scene. You are a cop. You and your partner have pulled off on a quiet residential street and parked with your windows down to do some paperwork. Suddenly a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a torn T-shirt flapping in the breeze, and wearing only one leather glove, moving at probably 80 mph on one wheel, and screaming bloody murder roars by, and with all his strength throws a live squirrel grenade directly into your police car.

I heard screams. They weren't mine...

I managed to get the big motorcycle under control and dropped the front wheel to the ground. I then used maximum braking and skidded to a stop in a cloud of tire smoke at the stop sign of a busy cross street. I would have returned to 'fess up (and to get my glove back). I really would have. Really... Except for two things.

First, the cops did not seem interested or the slightest bit concerned about me at the moment. When I looked back, the doors on both sides of the patrol car were flung wide open. The cop from the passenger side was on his back, doing a crab walk into somebody's front yard, quickly moving away from the car. The cop who had been in the driver's seat was standing in the street, aiming a riot shotgun at his own police car.

So, the cops were not interested in me. They often insist to "let the professionals handle it" anyway. That was one thing. The other?

Well, I could clearly see shredded and flying pieces of foam and upholstery from the back seat. But I could also swear I saw the squirrel in the back window, shaking his little fist at me. That is one dangerous squirrel. And now he has a patrol car. A somewhat shredded patrol car ... but it was all his.

I took a deep breath, turned on my turn-signal, made a gentle right turn off of Brice Street, and sedately left the neighborhood. I decided it was best to just buy myself a new pair of gloves!!!

You know you’re having a day when:

You get all the recycling/garbage collected and taken downstairs and forgot to check the kitchen where there is a whack of recycling that had not made it onto the deck to go downstairs.

You get into enjoy a long hot shower, begin shaving your legs and realize as you start on the second leg that the safety cap is still on the razor so you have to do both freakin’ legs over again and the hot water is beginning to fail.

You and a friend go and pick up a futon and mattress and realize that there is no way you’re going to fit into the car as well. Therefore you have to take transit and that’s another hour and a half wasted waiting for the stupid bus.

You decide to finally recycle the couch that was your first purchase as an adult (10+ years ago), you cry some tears and the next day after you’ve calmed down someone asks if they can have the couch once you get the futon. *GACK*

You get to work, get started working and a client points out that tho’ you normally wear funky socks they normally go with what you’re wearing (today, brown pattered pants, shoes and shirt with my fluorescent pink stripy socks) *sigh*

How’re you doin’?