Wow, over four years since my last post. As I read my last post I realized HOLY HADES I have come so freakin' far. Here's a long post...ready...

2009 I became quite ill. I had developed symptoms of PTSD from my childhood that surfaced quite violently. I was bugging and laughing MyLuc and then...quite violently my life changed. I ended up seeing a Psychiatrist and Psychologist and dredging up thoughts, feelings and Oh My Goodness moments. It was hard and sad and angry and a definite learning experience on that which you must learn the lesson not just pass over to the next chapter.

2010 was the year of choices to be made. I listened hard and quietly to the voices of my soul and my friends and those that without whom I might have not found the strength to go on. I left MyLuc after many years together. He went away and I chose to do what I thought was best for the both of us. Unfortunately I lost a friend and lover and one whom I had chose to spend my life with. Asking for the ring back was one of the hardest things I had to do, as was "it was yours all along" to be heard.

In May I followed through with a decision that was close to my heart. My ex-Mom n'Law ...lets call her FlowerLady...and I went to donate our hair to Breast Cancer. I donated almost 13" and she almost 9". I had almost 5 lbs of hair in a baggie and a very cute copper rinsed pixie cut. Everyone said timing wise I was making a clean start but no, I chose to cut my hair as a coworker decided after a year of wearing her wig after cancer treatment to go into work the Monday and was afraid. This way, we shared the attention and really, they only noticed the change in me. For her, she had had a fantabulous short wig so it was just a different hair style.

2010 I have assigned my grieving year. It was a year where I left a partner, I had to leave our cats behind, I had to learn to live alone again without someone constant in my life. I had to learn to listen to myself, to take time for myself without being afraid of the unknown. To understand that I am a strong woman, with great friends and family and that change is not a bad thing, just another step to take in life.

2011 was the year of learning and listening. I chose this year to do things for me. To make the harsh decision of not waiting and listening to my thought process and bring the positive in my life.

In January I chose to open my heart again for selfish reasons. I am a woman and wanted to be desired. Unfortunately a friend of many years was hurt and now we are no longer close but it was a definite learning lesson.

In February I had lazer eye surgery. It was one of my most awesome things I have ever done. I had gone previously to check it out and had been told it isn't worth the money, it won't last for ever and you will still end up with glasses. Well, let me tell you, this was a good decision, adding to my loan, having 20/20 vision and the glee of not fogging up during temperature changes and wiping constantly due to rain..*sings* Fantabuloussss

In March I quit my job. I had been there not quite four years and I was not happy. I was tired of the politics of working in a busy law firm and not being spoken to with respect. My last day was April 1, 2011 and no one thought it was a good idea...at the time

From April to December 2011 I have worked temporary postings here and there, from New Westminster to West Vancouver. I have worked with ALL the lawyers or secretaries in various firms from waay back when I first began my Legal Secretary/Assistant career. It has been an awesome journey.

In August, Luc contacted me and said he was going to get rid of the cats as he wasn't home enough to spend time with them. Did I know anyone who could take them. Of course I did, ME. So I told my landlords that although I had signed a lease until December 31, 2011 I was going to have to break it in order to get the cats. They talked together and decided I was able to have them in December. FANTASTIC! Luc said that was fine, as long as they were going to go to a good home. Well, Duh, seriously...

In September employment ended. There were no temporary assignments available and I had to decide what I was going to do. I took half of my retirement savings in order to pay rent and bills. I borrowed money from a good friend with a "when you can you can pay it back", another friend gave me rent in the form of an envelope marked "breathing space".

From September 1 to November 29 I was unemployed. I lost weight, I was eating sparingly in order to stretch my cupboards and I thought, a lot, about the choices I was making and whether or not it had been such a good idea. Should I be stressed? Was this really a good choice?

November 29, I began a temporary assignment through December and I have been lucky enough that it has been extended weeks by weeks. We shall see where it goes.

December 2, my friend Froggy Owl and I went to get the cats, the girls (Chloe and Emma)from Luc. We arrived, they weren't ready so we went up to the condo. I was very surprised to see that it was bare. I mean, he lives there but, it was bare. No personality and empty feeling. I understand from his Mom (who is still in my life thank goodness) that he is a minimalist but this was ridiculous. Very cold. We collected the girls in their carrier, a bag of random items, food, litter, their scratch post and he helped us carry everything to the car. I did not want to make two trips. Along the way I looked at Luc. Really looked and into myself as well and thought, do I miss you? There was nothing, he had erased me so completely from his life that there wasn't even a void. It was a blank space. Frightening actually.

December 31, 2011 I had new years with my cousins (not my blood cousins but my friends TumakHunter, CJ and their awesome daughter Stardancer). TumakHunter and I grew up together, our Moms being best friends. He is a few years older than I but we've remained close all these years. I am very grateful for the opinions and strength that they can give me. We had some discussions about the future and what it might hold.

All the choices I made through 2011 read quite stressful, but really, I haven't been that stressed. My anxiety hasn't been that terribly high and I do not regret the choices that I have made. At all, should I have?

From friends who care to professionals and their "are you sure?" opinions...2011 has been a really good year. Honest.

I have decided 2012 is going to be my year of adventure. I have given myself a deadline to accomplish a NEW adventure.

Of course there are stories in amongst the months but this is just a loooong catch up. Thank you for reading if you have been.