In June 2011 my brother Stretch married. I was asked to be the MC at his wedding. My other brother Sprout the Best Man. He wanted the siblings to be involved as his wife had her sisters and best friend on her side.

I suffered from great anxiety during this time period. My father, with whom I had no contact and had not seen in many years was going to be attending the wedding. I chose to see the Counselor to discuss how to handle any situation that might arise. Little did I know that nothing could prepare me for actually seeing, hearing and being in the same room/area with the man.

Growing up the eldest child of alcoholic parents one of my first memories is of them driving to the bar outside of town, settling us with snacks, books, things to occupy ourselves and saying to me to take care of my brothers.

My father being very abusive chose to use his fists, hands, belt or any random item that may be lying around to discipline us. He'd begin with me, then Stretch and then Sprout. During some of these times my Mother who would have been out cold due to overdrinking would arise to save Sprout.

It was up to me being the oldest to walk my brothers to school, to protect them from bullies, to protect them from my father.

At a low point in my life I lay in a bathtub with bubbles to my chin contemplating slitting my wrists. With the razor to my skin I couldn't see any future in remaining in this world. Watching the blood drip, I realized that without me, who would protect my brothers? Who would watch them grow and be proud of the men that they would become?

I chose to live. I chose to grow up and stay strong. Weebles wobble but don't fall down. I may have been born to a mother and father who didn't know the blessings that they had been given but I was going to stand up and be strong, if not for me for my brothers.

Being asked to MC at Stretchs wedding, knowing that the man who abused me and them, who made us lie to the agents who would come by to see that they we were alright, to raise my chin and be proud of the man my brother had become, scared me shitless.

I left town and my family when I was 16, choosing to live with my grandparents instead of my mother and the man who is my stepfather. I did not grow up with my brothers, I did not watch them grow. I did not come back into their lives until the later years.

Watching my brother stand at the altar and receive his bride made me proud to be his sister. Proud to be alive in this world and able to see him grow.

Unfortunately the months passed by and their marriage did not last. Five months and nine days. Some things are just not meant to be. I don't understand the ending, it's not my place. My place is to stand by my brother so that he can lean on me.

We are Family!