January 16, 2014 ~ Boxing

2nd time...totally nervous. I had been babying my left thigh muscle all week, couldn't stretch that sucker to save my life.

Arrived and changed. Asked if my gloves had arrived. A nice bright red pair...I said I wanted red because it would remind me to be agressive and do my best. Little did I know that that stupid phrase would rebound around and around my noggin the entire 30 minutes.

To begin I skipped rope...20x before I have to restart. Watched my breathing. Listened for the move it chime and away I went.

Gloves on and jab, left right until the chime then fast, again the chime slow and then fast (4x) approximately. Each time I counted to see how many I could do in the time period. Tonight's instructor was Megan. She caught on and laughed.

Then the next station was core, crunches on the exercise ball...thank goodness you didn't need to speed up for that one.

The stations are upper body, lower body and core...13 stations I believe.

By the time I got to the front kick my heart rate was up and I was feeling good. Proud of myself for not stopping.

Thankfully I believe I have figured out that I need to eat at 3:30pm in order not be nauseaus when I reach the halfway station.

Finished and stretched. This time time flew. I do believe that 2x a week is doable and maybe once I'm down to one job maybe even 3x.

Good Job Seifrit!

January 15, 2014 ~ Outrigger Paddling

Initially I was just going to attend and cross this item off my bucket list, Paddling. It was going to be a one time thing and then I’d move to the next item and adventure. Little did I know that Nicole would turn out to be an amazing instructor and the other three members (Ben and the two ladies whose names I don’t recall) would be so very welcoming.

I arrived early, cuz that’s the way I roll..and waited. Nicole arrived by way of “Is that a Melissa?” My response was a cheeky...it could be “The Melissa”..that seemed to break the ice. They brought me into the room and told me to grab a pfd and that they’d find me a paddle. I was a little taller than everyone there so I went through a few before Nicole was satisfied. Back on the dock she sat me on the bench and gave me a quick lesson. She said, “It’ll be better on the water”...I started to think , back out now, before you are in the water, it’ll be easier..but then talked myself into sticking to it. She also said listen for the cues, Hut...ready and Ho..switch sides. A fluid moment to keep us in a forward motion. Okey dokey.

We went down to an Outrigger, I had to google this because I had no idea ... a long skinny canoe with two sticks and a buoy. Now, I know how large my ass is and that little teeny slender seat looked daunting. We pushed the Outrigger into the water and everyone climbed in. My immediate thought was, oh hell, I’m going to pee my pants I am so scared next to I’m going to fly over the side and just feckin’ breathe. Next I got my butt onto that skinny seat and knew that I wasn’t going to be going anywhere, I was locked in tight.

Nicole started getting us out on the water, told me to watch the lady sitting in front of pen, blonde ponytail blue jacket. She’d be the one that I needed to watch. And away we went, Nicole corrected my posture and hold on the paddle (of which I had a death grip). Ben was the caller (I am sure he has a special name) and immediately just Ho’d...I panicked and said wait wait, that wasn’t what I just learned. They laughed and agreed that this time, they’d Hut and Ho just for me.

The water was black, I was afraid of splashing, still of falling in and the night sky was clear(ish). I asked the Goddess to help me remain calm and get me back to shore (along with everyone else) safely.

At the halfway point, we had a rest and Ben turned in his seat so that I could see proper frame for paddling, keep the top arm straight (like you are mixing from your chin) and your bottom arm close to the paddle...straight down parallel to the boat (I just kept my focus on Ben and then the lady in front of him..constantly).

We turned around and back we went. Nicole kept saying "Top Arm" and I'd straighten. My concentration was fierce. The sound of the paddles, the Hut Ho'ing from Ben..the feeling that we were going at a pretty good pace and I was doing pretty good. It was awesome.

Closer to the dock the ladies yelled how's she doing and Nicole's response was..she hasn't even had a break. That made me smile and pat myself on the back (in my head that is).

We parked (I don't know how else to say it) and everyone got out. I was pretty pleased that I hadn't gotten that wet. My shoes a little damp because of getting in but little did I know...pulling the Outrigger back up onto the dock I stepped forward a little too far, right into the water. Aaah well.

As we were heading back up so that I could return the pfd and paddle they asked me what I thought. My response. See you next Wednesday!

Pretty proud of myself for totally getting out of my comfort zone.

January 14, 2014 ~ Accountable

This is the name of the game.

Currently I work Mon to Fri, 9a to 5p and then Thurs, Fri and Sat nights 9p or 11p to either 7a, 9a or 11a.

Come February I was supposed to work only Fri and Sat BUT today I decided to make a change.

I want to be healthy this year.  I have already been implementing a healthier eating plan, NOT a diet, cuz then I talk myself out of what I'm doing.

I am going to be accountable.  Today I weigh 265, my measurements are:

Upper arm: 13"
Chest: 47"
Waist: 41"
Hips 52"
R. Thigh 31"
L. Thigh 33"

I know I can be proud of myself because I can fit into size 18 and 20 pants and I am no longer 60" around.

~

This is a big week.

Today I joined 30 Min Hit and I went after work, got there about 6p, finished and then home by 8p.

While this has been on my mind for a while today I took a chance on me.  I signed up for one year.

I will be accountable and do my best to be there 2x or 3x a week.  No more, and absolutely not less.

~~

I will do my best to be accountable as well to update this blog.  It's been something that I look at but haven't done.  I follow a lot.  I am online a lot.  No matter how short even if it's just ... went and did it.  Is something.

~~~

I Will Accomplish this ... day by day.  I will make myself proud and work on calming my spirit and soul with the aggression that I will be able to work out.  *fingers crossed* at least that's the plan.

~~~~

For now, Day One...done.

December 15, 2012 ~ ten days until Christmas

Well then, am I prepared to celebrate this year away from my family and friends.  Farther than before?  I don't honestly know.

I have been lucky enough to have been invited to the mainland by such a variety of the eclectic people in my life.  This year I have turned everyone down.  I have days off through christmas and some I will celebrate with my cousins, but I am returning to Nanaimo to celebrate the days themselves at home.  Maybe I will make myself a lovely dinner, maybe I will order in pizza...who knows.

I've now decided to stay in Nanaimo right through to June 29th, 2013.  That will be the end of my "Year of Adventure".  What's next?  I just don't know.

Recently I returned to Vancouver to attend a holiday party with the Buccaneers of the Black Fleet I was able to stay with a good friend.  During this time I visited with only a rare few of the people in my life.

Going to Vancouver and thereabouts I am a tourist in a location where I lived from '97 to '12.  That is a long freakin' time to feel like a tourist now each and every time I return.

In all honesty I have only been back four times.  Two of those involved wedding prep and a wedding, the next for a birthday surprise and this last one for the holiday party.  I did not get to see some people, some people were lucky enough to see me and some unfortunately I haven't seen at all in over 8 months.

Through technology I am able to keep up to date with posts on FB and Twitter, G+ and the like.  I have snail mailed with others and a few more with Skype.

I was asked this last visit if I miss Vancouver.  The answer is No.  I miss my friends.  The people I could call up and chat with, go to lunch or dinner with, drinks with, sporadically take wee visits with or have.  The people in my life, those are who I miss.  My people.

November 17, 2012 ~ two weeks until my 36th birthday.

Normally about this time I'm talking to everyone about plans.  This year, nada.  I am totally meh.  Is it because I'm on the Island away from the mainland and that's depressing..probably to be honest.

At the end of this month I will have been six months into my Adventure.  I have now decided that I am going to stick with this apartment until the end of June 2013.  The end of my year of Adventure.  There is no reason to move out of here and then again come June once I have decided where I am going to be and what I am going to be doing.

I have been now at this Receptionist position for approximately five months. I work the 11p to 9a shift.  I am now self-employed and do not receive any type of benefit package.  I have some shifts where the telephone is crazy busy with calls and other nights where there are none and I don't want to sleep and I don't want to be caught off guard.  It's a very weird position that I've placed myself in.

I have been lucky to have friends come over to visit with me. Not too many but there have been some.  I have come to realize that I really don't know how to make friends.  How the heck did I get lucky enough to have the ones I can count as friends into my life?  Friends of friends, first time clickings...its a really weird situation.

My cousin and I have created a workable balance here in Nanaimo.  I know he misses his wife and daughter terribly and I do try to keep the positive BUT having someone to speak with about the positives and bitch about the negatives who knows EXACTLY what we're talking about and dealing with I think has helped us both.

Meaning Well...I swear it.

I have bad luck in recent weeks. It equals out somehow but it seems to be getting worse.

Walking to the bus one day I spotted a bathroom mirror on the side of the road near the sidewalk. My first thought was, why couldn't they place it by the pick up boxes for the thrift stores, on the other side of the street. My second thought was some kid is just going to come and break it. So me being me, I went to pick it up to move it across the street and it immediately slipped out of my hand. My fingers, it was heavier than I thought.

It cracked and broke in two pieces. Small shards of glass falling to the sidewalk. It was terrible. All I could think about what damnit...eight years of bad luck for doing a good deed. *sigh*

I was walking along and saw some garbage near the can but not in it. A homeless guy thanked me for doing my part.

Every day I try and put at least one piece of garbage in a can.

I've gotten into an argument with a good friend because I tend to clean up after myself. He says, people get paid for it. I'm taking their job away from them by cleaning up after myself. I understand his point, I also understand that if everyone left their stuff around then those people would not be paid enough to clean up after everyone. I like doing my part and I told him so.

I have decided to house sit this month and not ask for help with my girls. It makes for a long commute but I earn some good money doing it.

Yesterday heading back to Kerrisdale on the bus I noted we had stopped a little longer than usual at the intersection. It turns out that the bus driver and most of the people on the bus were watching three guys. Two beating the other up. I went to the front of the bus and asked if he could call someone, as my cell had died. He said and who would I call. I asked him to let me off.

I didn't think other than if I can get there I can get a description and stop what 's going on. I ran to the end of the block and two guys were yelling at them to stop. I saw the two you were "beating" and got a good look at them. Went across the street to where someone was on a radio and we spoke. He took down my descriptions, matched them with his and we waited for the Police to arrive. He said that they wouldn't be there for a bit as this happens all the time down there. WTF? I didn't want to be in the area too long after dark and miss another bus so I made sure he had all my information and I had to leave.

I caught the next bus and all I could think about was those people watching and not doing anything. My doing something and then nothing going to be done because it happens all the time. It is very disconcerting.

I do believe in karma and giving is getting and it will come back to you. I wish more people felt that way.

Then the negativity that still surrounds us from the Riots last July wouldn't still be hanging about.

Leaving my fiancé to begin anew was hard. Harder still was leaving my cats behind. Luc and I had adopted Emma and Chloe together to give Mickey some company. When I left I chose to leave them behind. I was thinking of myself and my future and the first place that I rented did not allow pets. I absolutely grieved. I grieved for the loss of a relationship that was years long AND I grieved the loss of my cats. Sleeping alone with no night noises and no midnight cuddles n' purrs. Tragic.

Two weeks later my best friend brought me a hamster. We had been looking at small pets and I had thought to myself, yes, I do need one. Erin brought me the cutest little wee grey and white ball of fluff. He was very young and fit right in the centre of my palm. It had been explained to me that I needed to touch him alot to train him for holding. No problem. He bit me a few times but I got used to the signs. He was an absolute joy.

I decided to call him Merle, after my mothers father, my amazing awesome lovely HUGE Papa. He loved me no matter what my size or weight. Unconditionally. AND I figured I would always be bigger than Merle so that was that.

I found out through trial and error that he loved hard boiled egg, spinach, cherry tomatoes, banana, edamame, yogurt, peppers and carrots. Grapes were messy and he totally turned away from kale.

He gave me such giggles when he'd stuff his wee pouches full and try to fit upstairs to his "apartment". He looked like he was carrying those side guns that are on some warplanes...and then he couldn't figure out why he couldn't fit through the doorway. He'd lay himself flat and squeeze between the top of the cage and the apartment. I also was guilty of counting exactly how many edamame he could stuff in. I got up to 12 before I felt guilty. Shortly afterwards I watched him spit them in the pantry corner...as I came to call his hidey spot for food.

I was blessed with friends who were able to care for him when I went away. They allowed me to call whenever to check up and hear their stories of his adventures.

Erin brought him over and he stayed with her and her two guinea pigs Gabby and Kate. During this time period he moved his bed from the top of his cage as close to them as possible. Very cute.

Anna and Tommy cared for him and shortly after returning him purchased their own hamsters...who in turn had hamsters...but that's another story.

Elizabeth and Russel brought him over and Russel renamed him Ratso. He figured Merle was up all the time because he wanted a lady friend. Russel never quite figured out that giving him edamame meant the bean NOT the whole pod. But he made them smile with his antics.

Amy, Bob, Douglas and Ariel put the cage where he wouldn't be bothered. Unfortunately Ariel found out he liked grapes. So much so when I went to pick him up I had to empty his cage full. His wee belly so full of grapiness.

Putting Merle in his ball when I cleaned his cage and not watching where he was going was interesting. He'd just roll here and there but always inevitably end up in the bathroom.

He did escape twice. Both my fault. The first time I FREAKED out and blocked all spaces I thought he might have gone. I looked and looked for him..found him...sitting on the toilet brush..hanging out. The second time I didn't put the lid properly on his wall and well, found him again in the bathroom.

When June 2011 came to pass I watched, waited and tried to be prepared for his passing. I was told they only last a year. I was sad but ready. And waited, and waited. I didn't want him to die but I was ready with the knowledge that he would.

In November I realized that my wee Merle was HUGE. He fit into the palm of my hand. He was fat. I ended up taking away his apartment because watching him squeeze his body through the hole entry ruffled his fur and made me wince.

In August 2011 news came that my ex-fiancé was going to give up Emma and Chloe. Mickey had passed away and he was not giving them the attention they deserved. He wanted to know if I knew of anyone that would take them. Hell Yes, I told him, Me!

December 2, 2011 Emma and Chloe re-entered my life. I was able to have them at my apartment suite as long as I cleaned alot, did my laundry elsewhere and kept the dust and dander down. My Landlords are allergic but rather than have me leave we worked out ways to keep the allergies at bay.

I made Merle a stair to get up to the food dishes. Watching him strain to pull himself up hurt my heart. I didn't want him to break anything and after figuring out he couldn't eat through the container and that it helped not hindered his progress to his food, it was awesome as he'd sit there and check out the space around him (or so I liked to imagine).

Watching Merle, Chloe and Emma interact was interesting. They were fascinated with this small creature. I had nightmares constantly of them somehow opening his cage and eating him. Never happened.

Emma would sit next to his cage and when he went upstairs and they'd sniff each other. She got bit once and then never again went that close to watch him.

Chloe would sit next to his cage and he'd sit close to her and they'd stare at each other. I liked to imagine that they were talking about their lives...or something like that.

Whenever I would clean his cage, into his ball he would go and then the laughter would burble up like a hidden spring. He'd follow them...they'd follow him...back and forth across the floor. Every week, same motions and movements.

~~

February 21, 2011 my friend Two Cups was leaving after spending the night. I did my morning checks and routine and off I went. I celebrated the fact that one year ago I had lazer eye surgery and it was the best decision ever. I was cranky after having a bad review at the office where I'm currently working and vented and ranted to My Girly Girl that I couldn't wait to get home. I went and got a few groceries and treats for Merle. Fresh spinach.

Walking through the door I put my groceries down and went to check Merle. Looking like a Furbie he was rolled tight in the corner. I breathed on him, said his name, watched him...reached in and rolled him. My poor dude was gone. His wee body still slightly warm but his spirit had left. Closing the cage I sat on the floor and wept. I cried so hard I made myself sick. I was devastated. What now? What do I do now?

I called everyone and left messages. I didn't know what to do. Should I take him and put him in the freezer? Should I leave him there? Will he rot? How long ago did he die? Was he in pain? What was I going to do without him? He was my friend and now I was alone with my thoughts and cried.

About 10pm after speaking with friends, deep contemplation of next steps I cut some of my duck fleece fabric. I opened his cage, took one last look at his wee ears and stoked his fur, wrapped him in paper towels and then the fabric. I said a prayer knowing his spirit was gone but that I needed to communicate that I wished him well and as much edamame as he could hold. Into a Ziploc and then into the freezer.

I closed his cage and went to bed. Dragging my doll from her shelf I cuddled her close and said my nighttime prayers. Including one that had Merle meeting my Papa and their telling stories. I knew he was in a better place.

~~

Waking this morning I went about my morning routine. Altering the good mornings to not include Merle was hard. I cleaned his cage and in doing so it seemed the girls were listening for the rolling of the ball. Emma finally went to the shelf and knocked it down. They looked at me and I said that he'd gone over the rainbow bridge. Teary eyed I cleaned his cage, not putting in clean litter but leaving it instead empty.
Heading into work my spirit is calmer but my heart is still heavy.

Merle kept me sane during the years of grieving and learning. He gave me pause and reflection of my thoughts and daily purposes. He was my wee Dude. I will love him always.