February 4, 2014 ~ Boxing #5

It's true what they say, it takes time to break habits and longer to create new ones that stick..

Even though I have only attended at 30 Min Hit a few times, I do feel stronger. I feel stronger in my arms and in my legs. I still count how many I can do each 15 seconds for the minute...and the number is climbing..

I still can't freakin' jump rope. When I do actually do more than 5 in a row I get so excited and then fumble and the cannot..and then can...and then cannot. I work up a sweat doing just that bit..

Today I worked out the frustration of not knowing where I will be workwise in a week..

I am an employee of an Agency who has been hired by the RevTax office. My space is an end bit at desk placed at the back of a boardroom. Today everything has to be boxed up and placed in an empty space so that the boardroom space can be renovated to create two offices and a small support staff area. .

Great in theory. But where am I to go? Luckily (or not) two lawyers are not going to be in the office and I can go into their space..until Tuesday. And then?.

I asked the Manager if perhaps I should go to the Agency to see if they can find me work for a month or so. I don't have files assigned to me and there would be nothing left in limbo. That way, I would still be an employee BUT they wouldn't have to worry about finding me a corner...she didn't like that at all..

So tonight as I punch and breathe and count...I work out the frustrations of the not known in my current employment situation..

Well that AND not having the double pay of my day job and my night job...is a little frustrating. I know I can manage just fine, I did it before with just the one job...but for that two month period..it was nice having backup..

Punch - money, punch - space, jab - bills, right cross - grrrrrr

~Friendships~

Drama comes in many forms. Quietly until it's so loud it shatters any peace of mind you claim that you have had or like a freight train when you are standing too close to the rails.

I am a good person, a good friend, an honest and patient woman. There is a trust placed in me which honors my heart and makes me feel warm and wanted.

BUT this weekend was hard. I stepped up and tried to bring calm to an otherwise chaotic scheming person who all innocently, what me? Made me cry and burble over until luckily I was calm and told myself..me. I did a good thing, I kept the crazy away from others, I kept the peace. I did that.

Whenever you get a group together of course there is going to be some kind of drama. I had planned to participate in a holiday event and smile and shine out of pictures, that either I had taken or others.

But was I? Almost forgotten I felt because I had saved the others from the drama because I didn't want sadness to enter into everyone's fun.

I have come through the fire, burned, scorched and renewed.

I am happy because I choose to be.

I cried because I needed a release.

And with two double dipped mary jane soaked almond joys, copius amount of mai tai, rum, beer and laughter...I had a great time!

But let's not repeat that any time soon...so I promise myself.

January 22, 2014 ~ Last day of Paddling :(

Little did I know that the trainer for tonight actually does the training for the Dragon Boat teams in the summer. His name was Eric. He called the Hut Ho and he called suggestions for better positioning and he pushed me til my arm muscles trembled.

It was kinda awesome.

Another bright clear star shiny night. All aboard and away we went. I still was nervous and panicky but with the suggestions offered, I believe I did okay.

They all joked about how they Dragon Boat just for the beer gardens. It's not an easy task and I knew I'd be sore the next day but I did my best to keep up with everyone.

For once the one behind me kept splashing (I say once but this was only my third time Paddling).

Afterwards we went to the Glo Bar for a drink and appy. This is a great group but I just can't commit to anything yet. Maybe next season. They are a tight group and the saying is "What's said in the group stays in the group". I was a ok with that.

Stretched and then one of the ladies, Stella, drove me home. Very nice of her. I was zonkered.

Awoke the next morning and had to pack for my Pirate Adventure but boy, oh boy, lifting my arms was quite the challenge.

The cost is $95 til the end of March then $200-$300 for the Dragon Boat season. I will do my best to save up but my Vancouver volunteering committments mean a lot to me.

We shall see.

January 20, 2014 ~ Boxing #4

Be Aggressive, B E Aggressive. Stupid words from that Cheerleading movie with Kirsten Dunst. It works though, the red gloves, the words, the hurt and anger that I am feeling from a variety of sources. Grrr...punch, punch, jab.

Monday morning .. oh vey. I type that but in all honesty it was a great morning.

My friend Steph (from high school who has been in Sydney housesitting while her parents are in New Zealand and who lives in Edmonton, who set me up with Nicole for Recreational Outrigger Paddling *phew*) came for dinner Sunday night. I made lasagna, she brought salad, we drank a bottle of wine, had some oreos with the blueberry squeak (blueberries, sugar and vodka that had been soaking since June 2013) and gabbed, gossiped, cried, laughed, talked...all the above. It was fantastic!

Steph spent the night and when I awoke, I made us some coffee and we chatted. No rush this morning because she was going to drive me in to work.

Arrive, two people out ill and that leaves two out of three left...one more was having her flex day. I cannot wait until my flex day begins once I am a permanent employee in this Government office.

Long day, very long...and so I begin texting randomly..his and hellos, check out fb, emails, etc. AND THEN the capper...the aggression switch

To begin with...in January I begin planning my year. There are certain volunteer events that I do and participate in and visiting that needs to be planned. Most of my people understand that..BUT there is always that one person in our lives that can upset us quicker than quick, quicker than a greyhound at the races after that freakin' fluffy bunny, a drunk on a bender to get that last drop that eludes them at the bottom of the glass, that frantic pushing of the button to make sure your hungry, hungry hippo gets the last marble.

Backstory, in December my bestfriend's father passed away. We knew it was coming but the when was uncertain. I could not attend the funeral because I worked two jobs and getting to the location was not something I was able to do. She understood this and we communicated all the days through it. After the funeral a memorial date was set and I worked around my calendar and no problem, we were going to have a few days camping and having fun and both of us were super excited that I could a) do the volunteer gig, b) have one on one time and c) attend her dad's memorial.

The text said, plans have changed ...going to the memorial the day before and then heading up to whereever to attend his nephews graduation. My response, no worries, I won't pland for the week and unfortunately won't be able to come and attend your dad's memorial. Her response. Sorry. My response, ah well..we will just have to figure out another time to see each other. Can't fret about it.

Mature and no blame...in text. In my head a huge blazing ball of fury. WTF? What about me? Did she even think about me? She's in a relationship and I need to step back..again...way freakin' back. BREATHE MELISSA...freakin' BREATHE.

Needless to say, when I put my gloves on and began my circuit my head was so busy but on the ball that the Instructor bare came up to correct my stance or hitting and the 30 minutes flew by. Too fast. I wanted to go again...and again. Until I was too tired to think. Got home and checked marked my calendar for the exercise day was accomplished. YAY! Good job.

Sat down and thought about me and my feelings and what I need to do to get out of this negative headspace. I have learned over these last few years that I am worth it. I am worth the time that people wish to share with me. I can no longer be in a position to be upset when things don't work out...that is life.

And sometimes life sucks and then you throw the lollipop stick away and GET OVER IT! Tomorrow is another day.

~Family~

After speaking with my Mom and Uncle at Christmaas they suggested I go onto facebook and connect with their cousin who lives in Victoria. Since this is a year of "Why Not"...why not indeed.

Vida contacted me right away and invited me to breakfast ... she would pay. Of course, I balked at her paying but going for breakfast, yes please.

She picked me up with a text that read "waiting in a read pos out front". Kay, my first thought was ... hmmm...black sheep? I got into the car and there she was. White hair with spiky purple and pink bangs, pierced nose and lip, one of those piercings by the eye and the most welcoming smile that I didn't know I had been missing.

Away we went and to Floyd's Diner. We started talking right away and poof..the hours flew by and she needed to leave. Currently the family only had one vehicle and she had to get it home so that her son Cameron could take it to socce, of which he either plays or coaches. I couldn't recall.

She said, we will see you soon, have you over for dinner. You can't get away from us now.

Happy tears!!

On Saturday, January 20, 2014, Vida came and picked me up for dinner. Initially I had told her that I needed to be picked up at 4p and home by 8p because I needed to sleep for my night job. Little did I know I would be let go on the Friday and that I would have time to be with the family.

She was so excited to be driving her new to her silver subaru wagon. Her own vehicle. It was quite funny. She was also excited to entertain and make new recipes for dinner. This night was mexican. Chicken enchiladas, refried beans and mexican rice. Spicy, spicy.

First to greet me was her son Cameron and his girlfrieng Emily. Cameron had had his wisdome teeth out the previous day and was still pretty loopy. In school taking criminal something or other. Going for his Masters. Smark freakin' kid. Emily was quite and very nice. Making certain that I felt welcome.

Next to enter was her daughter Kailey. Vida hadn't told her I'd be there so she was a little surprised. She had had a disagreement with her beau Lee and from what I could tell was not happy. We had a lively discussion and bashing of boys. It was very cool to see her relationship with her mom.

After dinner we were relaxing watching something on tv and the conversation became roundabout. It was fun to watch, listen to and participate in.

Last to come home was Zane's twin Cameron and his girlfriend Becky. Slimmer than Zane but nonetheless smart as a whip (Gramma's coming through right there). Also very welcoming and including.

There is another son who lives in Vancouver with his partner Dutch. Perhaps I will meet him in February when Kailey has invited me to another family dinner to celebrate her 26th birthday. Awww...super honored. She said, well, we are family. *happy tears*

Cool and weird. They welcomed me without hesitation and after Vida dropped me off I sent her a text thanking her for dinner and the company. She said that her kids thought I was pretty cool and looked forward to seeing me again. Awwww. It was a Happy Saturday filled with love and...family.

January 18, 2014 – Boxing Day Three

When the 7:00a alarm went off, I was confused. What day was it? A work day? But now, it was Saturday. Saturday morning and I was waking in my bed from an almost full nights sleep. Craziness.

But lo and behold where I have the 30 Min Hit posted on my wall, Open 8am to 12pm. Okey doke. Cats fed, watered and litter changed, bag packed and away I went.

Made it there by 9am and it felt good. Really, really good. The aggression was still there, kinda more so now that I didn’t have the night job any longer, anger that the Head of the House was dealing with a ship she was putting holes in. *sigh*

30 minutes later it was over, my pulse was good, my face and back were sweaty..and I felt great. Full of energy.

Home by 11am and then I just rested. These decisions that I am making not only affect me daily but will effect me for a lifetime.

~To thine own self be true~

January 16, 2014 ~ Boxing

2nd time...totally nervous. I had been babying my left thigh muscle all week, couldn't stretch that sucker to save my life.

Arrived and changed. Asked if my gloves had arrived. A nice bright red pair...I said I wanted red because it would remind me to be agressive and do my best. Little did I know that that stupid phrase would rebound around and around my noggin the entire 30 minutes.

To begin I skipped rope...20x before I have to restart. Watched my breathing. Listened for the move it chime and away I went.

Gloves on and jab, left right until the chime then fast, again the chime slow and then fast (4x) approximately. Each time I counted to see how many I could do in the time period. Tonight's instructor was Megan. She caught on and laughed.

Then the next station was core, crunches on the exercise ball...thank goodness you didn't need to speed up for that one.

The stations are upper body, lower body and core...13 stations I believe.

By the time I got to the front kick my heart rate was up and I was feeling good. Proud of myself for not stopping.

Thankfully I believe I have figured out that I need to eat at 3:30pm in order not be nauseaus when I reach the halfway station.

Finished and stretched. This time time flew. I do believe that 2x a week is doable and maybe once I'm down to one job maybe even 3x.

Good Job Seifrit!