See....here's the thing.

Since I was a young'n I've wanted only three things to be accomplished. Dreams if you will. Things that I want to do and get done before I'm thirty.

1. Go to New Zealand for three weeks to a month;
2. Go to Graceland.
3. Visit Michael Landon's grave.

Now I know that many will ask why but these three have stood with me for many a year.

I accomplished #2 when I was 25. For the 25th anniversary of Elvis' death. I joined a huge whack of grannies and true fans to celebrate his life and death. It was awesome. A memory that will remain with me for a long time.

#3. I know that this is truly a dream and a wish but that's why it is #3. I just want to stand by the graveside of the man who I wanted for a dad. Someone who was the "Dad" that I pretended was mine while I was being beaten down by the one who shares my name.

#1. New Zealand. This has been something that I have actually worked on. I've been corresponding with people and travel agencies and in high school this was the project that brought about my one and only A in Hospitality/Tourism because of the in depth research.

And now the story.

I don't know about #3. But it's going to happen.

Myluc and I talked a bit a couple of weeks ago about plans for our future. We've decided in 22 months we're going to get out of the one bedroom shithole we're in and buy a place. If I don't have the money or as much money as I need to go to New Zealand we're going to New Orleans. It's still an awesome trip but it isn't the right one. Myluc tried to say that we have our lives to go on a trip. Yes. We do. But I want to go to New Zealand. He doesn't have wishes or dreams or places he wants to visit before a certain time. He hasn't put limits on anything. I have. I can do things and travel places after I'm thirty but I don't want to. It's selfish but it's what I want and have planned for.

Myluc's sister and bf are engaged. I am truly happy for them as is Myluc. They have decided that they are going to get married in Cuba with only immediate family in attendance. This includes gf's and bf's as well. Yay. Awesome. They've settled on sometime in 2007.

And here I start to cry and my heart aches. You see they've chosen 2007. I will be 30 that year. I want to go to New Zealand. I don't want to postpone my trip for Myluc's sister. I want to be selfish and think of only me.

Myluc tried to and tries to figure me out and doesn't want to know why I won't compromise and make Cuba my trip. He doesn't understand that Cuba wouldn't be mine...it's his sis' and her mans. It isn't something or somewhere where I wanted to go. Ever.

*GACK!*

I went to bed last night with a heavy heart. Myluc talking and trying to figure out what I can do. We've agreed that it's a few years away and things change. I won't get a second job so that I can have both trips. I won't freak out. I will be the one to tell his 'rents and sis if they ask. I will be happy for them. Duh. All but the last two are things that are most likely not going to happen. I am happy for his family. How could I not be. These two have decided that they are going to get married and share their life together. That's awesome.

Myluc and I get into discussions about marriage. I want Elvis and Vegas. He wants his mom's garden and no Elvis. We're working on compromise. I want him to give his name and share it with me. I don't want to pay the cash to change it. If that was to happen I'd become like Elvis and Cher. No last name needed.

That's the weekend in two blogposts. We'll see what the week holds.

*HUGE HUGS*