Bits n' those other little bits...

Ever have those moments when you’re like “Man…I wish the world would slow down/speed up” just so the situation you are in would…go away or never have happened?

Decided to take a chance and I had a visitor for a sleepover and, well, let’s just say when he left the next day I wanted to have a mulligan and just keep it as a text/online flirtation. The real thing was bad. No brown chicken brown cow at all. It's really bad when you start listing the chores in your head that need to get done. *sigh* I didn’t restart my celibate clock but currently it’s on hiatus.

Had surgery end of June for tubal ligation (removal of my fallopian tubes) and to remove my IUD where it was imbedded in my uterine wall. Go doctors who want to keep it in because it “may” still be working. I now have the “stations” (ovaries and womb) but no “tracks”. Makes me curious to find out what kind of refresh my body is going to decide to have. I had almost three weeks of healing time and bruising but thank the lord, I was able to go and get my waxing over and done with. She was awesomely careful and earned every penny.

Had an Epic weekend with my mainland ladies for a mani/pedi day. The esthetician basically did a gel paint and polish on our toes and fingers. That was pretty awesome that she came in about noon and stayed until about 9pm. We all got done! I had a few moments of selfishness and woe is me. I moved to Nanaimo and then Victoria and no one has come over to visit me. The girls are making plans to go to Quesnel to see another one of our friends. I am jealous, I freely admit it and hurt. BUT if I asked any of them to come visit me or for a favor I know it would be given without hesitation. The world does not revolve around me and my wishes. I was included in the planning, however, the next time I am over will be for Hallowe’en and that’s about it for this year.

Big news in our group, we’ve had weddings and babies and now moving. WW and her hubby are going to move out to Chilliwack. That’s pretty far out there. But I live farther  I was lucky enough to go house hunting with WW. She isn’t asking for much and I know the right property will come along for them. I have plans in place already for getting from A to B.

I know that this “family” has been years in the making but I am truly blessed to be so loved and included without second thought. The light in their eyes when they see me and the HUGE HUGS that help fill my soul well just lift my spirits higher and higher.

Coming home is always a little depressing challenge but I do get over it. I am trying my hardest to get out and into Victoria and its people. I am to be patient and take is slow but it’s difficult when I don’t remember how to make friends. I was always “in” the group I do not remember how to be the “new” one. I just have to believe that I am worth it and some where there will be a niche in a group that I will fit right into.

Frustration

I am a good friend and try to cultivate good friends.

I know that we each have our problems and that we are lucky to have those friends that we can verbal diarrhea and they will be the shoulder, tears, voice we need at that moment.

Sometimes tho' I want to shake my friends and say...stop talking about it and deal with it!! I want to shout it in their face and imprint it into their minds so that there will be no hesitation for them.

The decisions that brought me to this moment would not have been done without the friends that have my heart and allow me to make mistakes and celebrate my triumphs as the moments come.

I cannot and will not go backwards...forwards for me and unfortunately there will be harm to those in my life as they try and understand the decisions.

I need to stand firm. We grow and we change and we learn. Each and every frackin' one of us.

February 25, 2014 ~ Boxing #7

There are really only two requirements when it comes to exercise. One is that you do it. The other is that you continue to do it. ~The New Glucose Revolution for Diabetes by Jennie Brand-Miller, Kaye Foster-Powell, Stephen Colagiuri, Alan W. Barclay

An hour of basketball feels like 15 minutes. An hour on a treadmill feels like a weekend in traffic school. ~David Walters

Exercise relieves stress. Nothing relieves exercise. ~Animal Crossing: Wild World (Nintendo video game) written by Takayuki Ikkaku, Arisa Hosaka, and Toshihiro Kawabata

The best six doctors anywhere And no one can deny it Are sunshine, water, rest, and air Exercise and diet. These six will gladly you attend If only you are willing Your mind they'll ease Your will they'll mend And charge you not a shilling. ~Nursery rhyme quoted by Wayne Fields, What the River Knows, 1990

February 19, 2014 ~ Boxing #6

Procrastination thy name is Seifrit.

For good reason I had not attended the gym. Initially I was worried my IBS was acting up again and once you are in the kickboxing circuit, it isn't really recommended you leave. Sooo...I didn't go. AND THEN I had the flu and there was no way I was going to disease other members. AND THEN the weather sucked.

But I did it. I jumped rope in 20's...who knew. *pats self on back* And punched, kicked, kneed and crunched my way til my hair was sweating.

Each punch I took I kept thinking, if you don't do it you won't do it. Don't get depressed, work it out. Over and over in my head.

I hate my brain sometimes. With the weather here in Victoria being so sporadically rainy, and not even rainy. Freakin' misty soak you through drops that are kinda pointless to put up an umbrella rain. AND THEN not being home to clean and then taking the time and getting angry because of all the cat hair. Stupid vicious cycle.

Myran is now here living in Leah. March 22nd is the wedding date. I want it here and done. I want her to be happy it's all done. Her accident settlement done. Their move to a larger place. Done. I want them to be happy.

Stupid brain.

But I did it, and I will do it again. I will do my damndest to make me a priority.

February 10, 2014 ~ Random Acts of Kindness

It really is the small things that help the heart fill with love, light and the hope to lift someone's spirits...even a little.

Came back through the Ferry terminal heading homeward and lo and behold an amazing array of people. Young, old, marrieds, singles, groups..and the freakin' amount of luggage. Oh be still my heart.

As I stood there shaking my head at the vast array and selection of luggage people were lugging around I was astounded to realize that not too many of them knew about the luggage drop off at the entrance to the wait area once you receive your ticket.

Boarding the ferry, amidst the jostling and the anger and yes, even some tears of frustration at the burden of dragging their stuff, I made it. I found a seat. A seat amidst the chaos. It was a close one tho. The ferry was at max capacity for passengers.

When one has more than a purse or backpack the ferry adventure begins. you have to decide if you can trust your seatmate IF a) you have to go to the bathroom and b) if you'd like to stand in the line up for something to eat or drink.

I stood in line for my sandwich and just mentally shook my head at all the people that were standing there with their luggage, balancing their trays and trying to figure out who to get through the people, through the line up and then to the cashier.

I found a two set and asked if I could share the table. I am not afraid to ask. Finished my sandwhich and then decided to loop around and check for a seat for the rest of the trip.

Although they ask that you don't put your feet on the seats nor your luggage and that the ferry was at full capacity so please share, so many people just disregarded that whole thing. AND then you see the people looking for the plug ins for their technology, be it a laptop, cell phone or tablet. People are funny.

I found a set of four and asked if anyone was sitting there. There was one lady with her giant suitcase, a brief case and an overnight bag. She was taking up three seats. Again, mentally shaking my head I situated myself with my laptop (thank goodness fully charged although I had scoped out the plug in that was above me underneath the television set) and began watching Parker with my headphones on.

Although I was watching the movie I was very much aware of those around me and I was watching the lady start to squirm in her seat. Either bathroom or food, is she going to ask me or is she not? Those thoughts kept swirling around in my head. Sure enough, would you mind watching my bag while I go to the bathroom? No problem. Are you going to still sit there? At that she gave me a strange look and I just said that everyone was looking for seating so if she was going to stay seated where she was she had better place something there. Makes sense, she replied and off she went.

When she returned, it seemed like a long while after, she seemed to be in a friendlier and chattier mood. I did want to watch the movie but, okay. I will be polite.

Helen was coming over to the Island for training with the bank. She was on a six week course and this was her second visit to the island. I did mention to her that there was a luggage drop off and she was aghast. Seriously? Why don't they tell people? Definitely next time she would use it as yes, it makes sense to drop everything off and then pick it up on the other side. I then asked her if she was taking transit, knowing that if she said yes, for the next two hours I would definitely have a new friend. Oh no, she saved her company money by taking the ferry instead of helijet, she was catching a cab.

AND THEN she asked me what I was doing and I said probably queuing up with everyone else. She gave me a look, gauging me as a person I believe and then offered me a ride downtown. I was aghast. Seriously? She said yes, you did me a good turn by mentioning the luggage drop off and that is huge. You seem like a nice girl, why not.

And that dear reader is how I got back to my apartment by 915p instead of 11p.

February 4, 2014 ~ Boxing #5

It's true what they say, it takes time to break habits and longer to create new ones that stick..

Even though I have only attended at 30 Min Hit a few times, I do feel stronger. I feel stronger in my arms and in my legs. I still count how many I can do each 15 seconds for the minute...and the number is climbing..

I still can't freakin' jump rope. When I do actually do more than 5 in a row I get so excited and then fumble and the cannot..and then can...and then cannot. I work up a sweat doing just that bit..

Today I worked out the frustration of not knowing where I will be workwise in a week..

I am an employee of an Agency who has been hired by the RevTax office. My space is an end bit at desk placed at the back of a boardroom. Today everything has to be boxed up and placed in an empty space so that the boardroom space can be renovated to create two offices and a small support staff area. .

Great in theory. But where am I to go? Luckily (or not) two lawyers are not going to be in the office and I can go into their space..until Tuesday. And then?.

I asked the Manager if perhaps I should go to the Agency to see if they can find me work for a month or so. I don't have files assigned to me and there would be nothing left in limbo. That way, I would still be an employee BUT they wouldn't have to worry about finding me a corner...she didn't like that at all..

So tonight as I punch and breathe and count...I work out the frustrations of the not known in my current employment situation..

Well that AND not having the double pay of my day job and my night job...is a little frustrating. I know I can manage just fine, I did it before with just the one job...but for that two month period..it was nice having backup..

Punch - money, punch - space, jab - bills, right cross - grrrrrr

~Friendships~

Drama comes in many forms. Quietly until it's so loud it shatters any peace of mind you claim that you have had or like a freight train when you are standing too close to the rails.

I am a good person, a good friend, an honest and patient woman. There is a trust placed in me which honors my heart and makes me feel warm and wanted.

BUT this weekend was hard. I stepped up and tried to bring calm to an otherwise chaotic scheming person who all innocently, what me? Made me cry and burble over until luckily I was calm and told myself..me. I did a good thing, I kept the crazy away from others, I kept the peace. I did that.

Whenever you get a group together of course there is going to be some kind of drama. I had planned to participate in a holiday event and smile and shine out of pictures, that either I had taken or others.

But was I? Almost forgotten I felt because I had saved the others from the drama because I didn't want sadness to enter into everyone's fun.

I have come through the fire, burned, scorched and renewed.

I am happy because I choose to be.

I cried because I needed a release.

And with two double dipped mary jane soaked almond joys, copius amount of mai tai, rum, beer and laughter...I had a great time!

But let's not repeat that any time soon...so I promise myself.